love you later | yeonbin ✓

036

"What's the problem, then? If what you said is true and he changed around you, maybe he feels the same."

Soobin shakes his head, rests it back against the sofa in exhaustion. "It's not the same. He told me some things in confidence and I don't really wanna talk about it, but he always knew this wouldn't last. He asked me to enjoy the moment, live in it until we inevitably had to say goodbye. He was always ready to let me go."

"But maybe he has changed his mind? Maybe he feels the same way."

Soobin thinks about the scar on Yeonjun's pinky, the deal they've made. He thinks about the soulmate that is running around the earth somewhere, thinks about how desperately Yeonjun has wanted to find his one true match for so long. He can't tell his friends, doesn't want to betray Yeonjun's trust even though he probably already has.

"He hasn't. It was right before I left that he asked me to enjoy what little time we've got. And I just- I don't know."

"You panicked."

"Yeah."

"That's okay, Soobin," Beomgyu says calmly and reaches out to rest his hand on Soobin's knee. "With everything you've been through and the way people have treated your relationships as something to fill time until they move on to something better, it's normal you would be scared."

"No, I know."

"But?"

"But we had sex," Soobin blurts out and finally looks up at his friends for the first time since they entered the apartment. His eyes dart from left to right to take in the looks on their faces. He's relieved that he finds compassion instead of pity, though he thinks it might bleed into something else once they find out what kind of an ass he's been. "We had sex and then I left like it was a fucking one-night-stand, packed my stuff while he was sleeping, and just- I just ran. And now I'm here and he woke up to an empty bed, an empty house, with nothing but a stupid note and-"

He runs out of steam. "I don't fucking know."

He goes quiet, bites his lips as his heart races in his chest, tries to keep the onslaught of pain at bay but it's useless. It was one thing to ignore his problems or to soak in the numbness that had taken over for the better part of his time spent at home. Saying the words out loud and admitting his mistake feels so much worse, like he's purposely ripping open a wound that has barely scabbed over.

"I miss him," he says when neither Taehyun nor Beomgyu has anything to say.

"Have you tried to reach him?" Beomgyu's question makes him cringe. He has thought about it, of course he has. But months of being around Yeonjun never made him realize that he doesn't even have his number, doesn't know if there's any way he could reach him other than calling the landline.

"No. Dunno what I'm supposed to say anyway."

"Everything you just told us," Taehyun says, his voice calm but fierce. "Soobin, just because you made a mistake, doesn't mean you can't try to make it up to him."

"What's the point, though? Even if I did, let's say I call him, or go back. The chances of him wanting to hear me out are slim, but even if he does, then what? We make up, only to separate again in the winter? I can't do it. I can't pretend like- like I'm okay with the thought of having a fucking ticking clock over my head."

"But who says that your time is gonna run out after you get your string cut?" Beomgyu asks carefully. "There are crazier things that have happened than long-distance relationships, Soobin."

Soobin shakes his head. Once he gets his string cut and he gives it to Yeonjun, that's it. Then Yeonjun is free to find the person he's meant to be with. Even if he offered to call the deal off, to help Soobin without taking anything in return, it still wouldn't work. Because Soobin's life is here, and Yeonjun loves his little paradise out in the woods. And how could he ever sign up for long-distance or subject Yeonjun to that when he knows that the separation anxiety that plagues him is as bad, if not worse, for Yeonjun?

"It just wouldn't work," Soobin mumbles, not sure what he's supposed to say without giving away Yeonjun's secrets. He never told anyone about the deal he had made, didn't want to be chewed out for being reckless by signing his soul string away.

In retrospect, he can see how it might have seemed that way - signing away something that's part of himself, even once disconnected from his body, seems risky. When he arrived at Yeonjun's place, he had no idea what it meant to give up his soul string. He didn't know if it would have any side effects for him, change his own path. It hadn't mattered because he was ready to do whatever necessary to get what he wanted.

He was lucky. Lucky that Yeonjun wasn't actually evil, didn't have any bad intentions with him and his string, and by now Soobin is sure that Yeonjun would have made sure Soobin would have been safe if he had given Yeonjun his string. It makes the burn in his chest even worse when he realizes that from day one, despite not knowing, Yeonjun has taken care of him in some capacity.

"I don't know," Beomgyu says. "To me, it sounds like you've finally met someone who matches your soul. String or no string. Don't you think you owe it to yourself to see where it's going to go?"

Soobin doesn't say anything, can't seem to find the right words. Beomgyu's words are so honest they're uncomfortable, things Soobin has thought before but wouldn't dare say out loud. The silence stretches as the unanswered question hangs between them until Taehyun sighs and slaps his thighs.

"Okay, no matter what you decide, you gotta get back on your feet. When was the last time you've eaten? Showered?"

Soobin cowers a little. "Don't really know, honestly."

"Alright," Taehyun says and gets up to fling the curtains to the side and open the window, the bright midday sun flooding the room. "Go take a shower, and when you're done you can start unpacking. We're gonna clean up a little and get you something proper to eat."

"Taehyun-"

"It's fine, Soobin," Beomgyu interrupts him quietly. "You know we would have been here no matter what. We're just glad to have you home."

Soobin closes his mouth, nods as he pushes himself up from the couch. His joints crack as he stretches his muscles, a yawn escaping him. He feels lethargic, doesn't actually know how many days have passed since he first got home. Without any further complaints, he trudges into his bedroom, the sheets still ruffled from where he left them earlier that day..

He feels disgusting but he couldn't get himself to unpack before, didn't have the heart to throw the clothes he'd last worn into the laundry basket. There was the slightest trace of peaches still lingering on them, and even though he knew it would fade sooner rather than later, it seemed cruel to help along with the process.

When he properly looks at himself in the bathroom mirror for the very first time in days, he cringes. His skin is pale and dull, the lack of skincare making itself known; there is the hint of stubble on his chin, but it looks weird and splotchy. His usually soft hair is greasy, hanging sadly into his forehead. He looks a mess.

Through the open door, he can hear Taehyun and Beomgyu moving through the apartment, the sound of low music traveling through the space. His heart grows warm when he realizes how much they care. He's always known, and they never made him feel like a burden. But it is moments like this when he's standing in front of his sink, toothbrush in hand, and a battered heart in his chest, that he's glad to have friends by his side who are always there to help him as he patches himself back together.

The shower feels almost life-changing. He stays under the scolding stream until his skin is bright red, the shower walls are fogged up and the scent of sandalwood and vanilla hangs in the room like a heavy cloud. He feels a million times better once he slips into clean clothes, changes the stained sweatpants for a pair of loose-fitted trousers. After a gentle face scrub and a quick treatment, he no longer looks like his skin is going to crack any second.