love you later | yeonbin ✓

039

It's dark outside when Soobin emerges from the room. It has always been a little unsettling, the darkroom a place removed from time and space. It's easy to get lost in the process, to get high on the work and the fumes filling up his nostrils. By the time he's done working, he usually forgets what time it is, doesn't remember the last time he had something to eat or drink. He closes the door behind him where his photos are drying, steps into the bathroom to wash his hands. He looks tired in the reflection of the mirror, but a good kind, a welcome kind as opposed to the face that's been staring back at him for the past week or so.

He's about to grab his stuff and leave the gallery when he notices a light coming from the other end of the room. The door to Taehyun's office is propped open, the soft rustling of paper echoing through the silence, and instead of moving towards the staircase, Soobin's feet carry him towards his friend.

"Hey," he says softly, peeking his head through the open door.

"Soobin, hey," Taehyun's eyes snap up, the tension on his face immediately losing some of its strength. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," he says as he steps into the room. "Are you? Why are you still here?"

"Lots of paperwork to do. Been getting a bit behind recently."

Soobin winces as he steps closer. He knows it's his fault. He's supposed to be taking some of the work off of Taehyun's hands. Taehyun had done everything in his power to keep Soobin's job open for him, had refused to hire another assistant for the time being, and Soobin shouldn't be surprised it left its mark on him..

"Tae, I'm s-"

"Don't. I don't need an apology, Soobin. I meant it when I said I want you to take your time to ease back into things. It's fine, nothing that I can't handle."

Soobin swallows heavily, a lump in his throat at the sincerity on Taehyun's face. He nods slowly, but can't keep himself from asking, "But what about Beomgyu? Isn't he complaining about you staying here for so long? It's almost 10 pm, hyun."

Taehyun only snorts. "Bold of you to assume he isn't still holed up in his studio downstairs. He must have mixed the track for the exhibition about a hundred times by now. You know how he gets."

"Like you're any better."

Soobib swivels around at Beomgyu's voice. There's no venom in it, a bright smile on his face instead. He lifts up two paper bags, eyes Soobin questioningly.

"I ordered fried chicken. You hungry?"

Part of Soobin wants to go home to take a shower, relieve some of the tension sitting in his neck from spending hours in the darkroom. He almost feels bad about making his friends take care of him yet again, like he's intruding, even if they have never made him feel that way. And there's something comforting about being in their company, even if they're all stuck at work one way or another. It definitely beats coming home to an empty apartment after looking at visual proof of Yeonjun bleeding into his life. So he nods, slumps down onto the chair across from Taehyun, enjoys the company while it lasts and keeps the loneliness at bay.

It's still there to greet him when he finally makes it home a little after 11 pm. His apartment is dark when he gets there, the moonlight flooding through the windows the only source of light. There's a heaviness sitting between the walls, getting more potent the further he moves into the apartment. It's strongest when he slides into bed and stares at the ceiling. As much as he loves spending time with his friends, this is where he can't outrun the feeling of emptiness they usually numb so well.

Here, everything suddenly reminds him of Yeonjun, even if he's covered by sheets Yeonjun has never touched. His bed feels too big, the silence is piercing, and no matter how much he shifts around on the mattress, he can't seem to get into a comfortable position. It's been bad ever since he first came back, but nothing is as bad as this.

Because now Soobin had visuals, actual reminders of the empty space in his life drying in the darkroom at Taehyun's gallery. He had started to work on them chronologically, had picked up the first roll of film he had used up on his trip down south. And even though they are not in front of him right now, he can see the images clearly.

It's mostly shots of nature, the woods, a few animals here and there. There are the shots he took from the alcove when he first discovered how beautiful it looked when the sun sent its rays through the glass. Slowly, the subjects of the images start to shift. There are still shots of trees, flowers, and animals, nature slowly waking up over the course of spring.

But then the images are suddenly full of laughing faces so vibrant, so palpable Soobin can still hear the sound. There are shots of hands messing around with herbs and witching tools that look so old Soobin had been afraid they might fall apart at a single touch. There are close-ups of freckles on cheeks, eyes disappearing into crescent moons, messy hair on a late night.

And then there are the intertwined hands, legs dangling into the water at the end of the small deck. It hurt just as much and somehow more than he expected it to. Developing each photo made Soobin's heart freeze up a little bit more inside his chest, clenching painfully. Until he finally came across the one photo that took a hammer to his heart and shattered it into a million pieces. Soobin didn't even know he was capable of feeling this much anymore, the place where his heart used to be a numb spot most of the time, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight of himself in a blurry shot, Yeonjun's arms around his neck from behind, his lips pressed to Soobin's cheek. He is smiling so brightly it almost hurts to look at.

It's a wonderful picture, a real one, tangible. It captures emotion in the rawest form, is exactly what his professors always made him chase with his projects. Soobin loves it, and yet, he hates it, too. Because it's only a snapshot in his life, doesn't offer him any kind of comfort beyond the knowledge that he was truly happy. But what good is it, if he's stuck here now, alone and staring at the ceiling while he can still feel the trace of Yeonjun's kiss on his cheek, hear the giggle in his ear? What good is it when everything is in ruins?

Soobin sighs and presses his eyes closed so tightly he sees stars flickering behind his closed eyelids. He needs the images to go away, to blur until he's sure he's in no danger of being haunted in his sleep. But that's the thing with memories - they take ahold of you, grasp you in their clutches, and no matter how hard you fight, some never really let go completely. Soobin doesn't have to wonder to know which kind of memory this one is.