love you later | yeonbin ✓

018

It's quiet for a while, the moments stretching out long enough that Soobin thinks Yeonjun must have fallen asleep. It startles him a little when he hears him whispering once more.

"I know what it's like when people don't stay."

It twists Soobin's heartache into something different, something bigger and all-consuming. It's pure agony knowing that Yeonjun understands him. It doesn't come as a surprise. Soobin has seen his own loneliness reflected in Yeonjun's eyes way before they were on good terms, but it has never pulled at his heartstrings the way it does now.

"It's why I'm out here, I guess. I used to live in cities.... moved around quite a bit, too. I've even lived abroad for a while." His breath hits Soobin's neck as he's talking and it sends shivers down his spine. "And it was great, I loved living in big cities. But eventually, I realized how lonely it was to live among so many people with no one who truly stayed."

Soobin feels him shrugging in his arms, hums softly to show he's listening before Yeonjun continues. "I've got my friends, of course, and I'm always gonna be grateful for them, but..."

"It's not the same," Soobin supplies.

"Yeah. And at some point, I was just fed up. People only came to me when they needed something, and it was far more often than now. Because how handy is it to have a witch at your service, right? Why bother trying to solve your own issues when there's someone else to do it for you. And yet, I could always feel the disdain in their eyes, as if I'm committing a crime by helping people out when it comes to soul string magic. I got tired of it." He lets out a deep shuddering sigh. "So I moved out here. Figured if I lived far away from civilization, it wouldn't hurt as much when people didn't stay. Because when I'm here, I can't expect them to, you know? It's too far away from a life nobody would be willing to give up. It doesn't allow people to spend time with me, for me to get to know them, get attached to them."

His voice starts to wobble a little bit, barely audible. but Soobin is attuned to Yeonjun by now. It sends a pang through his chest when he realizes he has gotten to know Yeonjun, has been allowed to spend time with him. And he's leaving soon, probably in a couple of days. Neither of them could have known that this is where they would end up as friends, or maybe on the brink of something more if they were brave enough to jump, opening up to each other in ways that they never have before.

"When I'm out here, people usually leave before I'm able to get my hopes up."

Soobin's throat feels tight like he's swallowing against something that's lodged there, blocking the words from coming out. When they do, he sounds off even to his own ears.

"Don't you miss your friends?" It's not what he actually means to ask or to say. There are a million other options that come to mind, but between promises of staying or asking what this thing between them is, it's the safest option.

"Of course. But I do get to see them quite often, actually. Either they stay with me or I visit them. It's not ideal, but it works."

"What about-" Soobin starts, then bites down his tongue.

"Hm?"

"What about your family?"

For a single breath, Yeonjun stiffens in his arms before he relaxes again. It's almost enough for Soobin to pull back the question.

"Don't have any."

Yeonjun's voice is still gentle, but there's a finality to it. It's obvious he doesn't want to talk about it, at least not right now, and Soobin immediately regrets bringing it up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

Yeonjun pulls back slightly until he can look at Soobin. He stares up at him through his eyelashes, his hand coming up to cover Soobin's cheek. Immediately, his thumb starts rubbing soft circles into Soobin's skin.

"It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong," Yeonjun says and pecks Soobin's lips softly before he moves back down the pillow until he's hiding his face in Soobin's neck once more. "I don't mind when you ask questions. I can't promise I'll always answer, but you don't need to hesitate."

Soobin's breath stutters. Apparently, Yeonjun has learned how to read him too, has seen the way he bit the inside of his cheek before asking him anything.

It's a habit he has picked up over the years, trying to be the most polished, perfect version of himself. The one that wouldn't upset anyone else. Because while he was constantly plagued with fears of not being enough, there have been people who made him feel like he was too much, too. It was almost more dangerous, something that left him feeling unbalanced, made him watch his step. There was a special kind of cruelty in being told he was too loud, too vibrant, too excited, too loving to the point it apparently got suffocating. Nothing had ever crushed him the way hearing those words did. Yeonjun's words feel like a soothing balm on an old scar; something that has healed for the most part, but flares up again every now and then, the bump feeling tight and uncomfortable until he is able to forget about it once more.

"Got it," he whispers into Yeonjun's hair, squeezing him a little tighter to his chest. The room goes quiet once more, the silence only disrupted by an owl nearby. It makes Soobin chuckle weakly, Yeonjun giggling against his neck.

"I think it's time we try to sleep. That is why I dragged you up here after all." His words are lighter now, a sharp turn from the vulnerability they shared just minutes before.

"Right," Yeonjun says and the smile in his voice is evident even if Soobin can't see it. "You sure this wasn't your master plan all along? Get me into bed and make me spill all my darkest secrets?"

"Believe it or not, my intentions were pure this time." He doesn't mention the times they hadn't been - when he had to resist the temptation to pull Yeonjun into his bedroom for other reasons or push him against the nearest flat surface for that matter.

"This time, huh?" Apparently, the heated gaze that had trailed Yeonjun over the past few weeks hadn't been lost on him. "Interesting."

It's a little easier to be bold in the dark of the night when Yeonjun can't see the heat spread across Soobin's face, so he just says, "If you're lucky I might let you in on that secret someday."

Yeonjun hums against his neck, a yawn escaping him. It's the first one of the night and Soobin is surprised it has taken him this long to fully wind down. They've lost vital hours of sleep, and he's sure Yeonjun will be up and running as soon as he wakes in the morning. To his surprise, Yeonjun's voice fades into almost incoherent mumbles as sleep catches up to him.

"Mhh, I'll remember that. Filed away for later."

Soobin lets out a soft laugh and it makes him falter for a second, his hands that had been rubbing up and down Yeonjun's back coming to a standstill. He'd been laughing so much tonight in just those few moments spent with Yeonjun. He's not sure how long it has been, if it's been minutes or hours. But despite how heavy their conversation had been at times, he swears he's never felt lighter.

"Okay. Goodnight, Yeonjun. Sweet dreams," he mumbles once he finds his voice again.

"G'night."

It's nothing more than a hush, a small whisper and then Yeonjun's breath evens out. For all his talking about not being able to stay still, let alone sleep, he's been incredibly gentle with Soobin. Has stayed tucked against his chest with no complaints. Soobin breathes in the scent of peaches and vanilla, completely absorbed in something that is just irrevocably Yeonjun. It calms his rattled nerves, makes the tension seep from his shoulders better than anything else he's ever tried before.

As he presses one last kiss to Yeonjun's forehead before he lets his eyes slip closed, something takes root inside his heart. It's only a seedling, barely there and fragile, but it makes him start to wonder if maybe he had a similar effect on Yeonjun. If the reason he was finally able to settle down and sleep could have something to do with Soobin. It's a dangerous thought, something he wouldn't let himself dare to entertain in the bright sunshine of the day. It's hope, and hope is a fickle thing. But before Soobin has a chance to get scared, to rip it out and crush it before it gets too big, sleep pulls him under, whisking him away to places where reality cannot touch him.

A/N] Solstice is coming, which means..