SAVIOR COMPLEX , Thirteen Reasons Why

six

— Anxiety

BRYCE'S FUNERAL WASN'T something Natalia wanted to attend. Clay went and some of the girls from school. Bryce didn't deserve and celebration from Natalia. For, she did not grieve Bryce Walker, and she never would. Not even if they shared more than one decent talk.

Natalia ignored calls from Jessica as she stared down at the water bottle and apple on her nightstand. She knew her stomach would explode, but the thought of consuming something made her excited.

She hardly kept down dinner from last night, so eating at least an apple was crucial.

The girl picked it up and took a bite from its sweet flesh. It stung her tastebuds with its tart and sourness, but she didn't want to stop at one bite. One after another and here was nothing left but the core.

Natalia felt satisfied and sipped her water. It was always easier to eat in her house because her anxiety slowed itself down in the comforts of her own home.
School was just a breeding ground for anxiety.

Things brewed behind the curtain. Things that were big, things that were real life and Natalia couldn't bear to think about any of it. Especially since Clay was involved, she was even involved and even when she closed her eyes, the thoughts crawled back to her.

Something inside of her nibbled away at her insides. Yet to be revealed.

Natalia had a knock on her door, so she opened it. It was surprising to find her father smiling, standing there. He seemed encouraging to her, so she widened her door.

"Have your stomach problems worsened, Talia?" He asked as he looked around her messy room with hidden interest. "I could bring you to the doctors."

"No, I think it's just anxiety. I'll be fine," Natalia assured her father, sitting back on her bed.

"Your mother and I noticed that you've been acting odd, pushing around the food on your plate, you've been pale," he paused and looked to the floor sadly then back to his daughter. "Do you have an eating disorder?"

Natalia furrowed her eyebrows and averted her eyes away from her father as if offended.

"No, dad. I'm just—" Natalia choked on a sob.

"What is it, honey?" Her father asked and Natalia looked away from the paint chip on her wall to meet his eyes.

"I'm just scared," she replied, more tears flowing down her rosy cheeks. "I don't want anyone to get in trouble."

She didn't resist his touch when he reeled her in. She melted into his comforting touch. His fatherly nature soothing the wrinkles in her attitude. It would be temporary, but it would be worthwhile. It was more than her mother has done.

✺ ✺ ✺

HER GUTS CHURNED when she heard a knock on the front door. It wasn't her mother, who'd been called into work, or her father, who'd gone to pick up their takeout from their local chinese restaurant. At first, she didn't think twice, but when the knock thumped against the door again, Natalia felt the urgency to open it.

"Jesus, hold on," Natalia shouted from the living room. She ran to the door and grew even more anxious when she opened it.

"Natalia— I killed him."