The White Peacock (A Draco Malfoy Fanfic)

Chapter 61: No Longer Scared

Draco's POV

For the first time, I didn't want to block out my thoughts. For the first time, I didn't need a distraction. I just sat alone outside and stared at nothing as I let myself replay the excruciating, heart-wrenching screams of Margot in my head. It could be that I felt this is what I deserved after what I had done, as though I needed to punish myself for my actions.

However, now, after a week of her being locked away, those screams, that image of her in agony on the ground, her unconscious body staring blankly at nothing when it was over, it all no longer made me feel anything.

Of course, it did at first, and I spent days in my room in absolute anguish and pain for what I had done to her, but soon after, everything stopped. I didn't know when or how it happened, but suddenly, I stopped feeling anything. Happiness. Sadness. Anger. Fear. It no longer existed in me.

Because what was the point? What was the point of feeling things, caring for things, wanting things? It no longer mattered when I was trapped in this dark world of pain and despair, where every glimmer of hope was snuffed out by the relentless cruelty of those who held power. Emotions were nothing but a weakness, a vulnerability to be exploited by those who sought to control and manipulate.

All that was left now was surviving and stopping anything or anyone who gets in our way... starting with Potter.

Suddenly appearing from the bushes and spreading its white glistening feathers for me, my peacock appeared.

I smirked and shook my head, knowing I still no longer felt anything. It began approaching me, inching closer, almost like it was looking directly at me. Normally, this would make me feel better, but in this moment, it only pissed me off further.

"FUCK OFF!" I yelled. It remained unconcerned as it stared blankly. I didn't need the reminder of what I used to feel.

"I SAID FUCK OFF!" I yelled again as I stood up and whipped out my wand.

"Draco, enough," Mother hurried outside to stop me.

"What do you want?" I replied bitterly.

"You can't continue this way," she said, attempting to comfort me as I pulled away.

"I don't know what you mean," I replied blankly. I knew what she meant.

"You are broken, my son. You have completely broken apart, and you are not getting better. You are letting yourself get consumed further into the darkness, and I am scared," she began to sob.

"I am fine... for the first time in a long time... I am fine," I said emotionlessly.

"You did what you had to. You are not a monster for that," she pleaded.

"Yes, I am... and it's okay... we all are," I replied, looking down.

"Just go see her in the dungeon... just once... I really think that if you look at her, you will find yourself again," she pleaded.

"Have you seen her?" I questioned, already knowing the answer.

"No... I have not... I am scared," she admitted.

"Why?" I questioned her.

"Because I'm scared that if I see her again after what we did to her, I will feel so heartbroken... that I might..." she said, cutting herself off immediately.

"You can't let her out, not now, at least not when Bellatrix is suspicious, and definitely not before we stop Potter," I said firmly.

She looked at me in disbelief, almost like she couldn't believe I was the voice of reason now.