The Equation of Us | Regina George x Fem!Reader

Reflection, Regret, and Relationships

Three hours. I lay awake on my bed, music playing in the background, staring at my ceiling for three hours just thinking. Thinking about what I heard Damian saying. Thinking about Janis and how she felt she couldn't talk to me for almost five years. Thinking about Regina and what she did to my sister and how there has to be more, she couldn't have just done that without something else happening in her mind.

Thinking about the fire and how nobody in that goddamn room did anything about it but me, throwing the backpack in the sink and turning the water on. Thinking about how Janis had gotten kicked out of school for the rest of the year for feeling her feelings and doing something slightly regrettable.

Regina was always nice to me when she was friends with Janis, I wouldn't say we were friends but she'd acknowledged my existence, said hello to me and was nice to me. Even after the whole falling out, she'd continued to be nice to me. That day when Regina had asked me to say good morning to Sissy Liz, was when Janis realised what Sissy Liz meant.

When I said good morning to Sissy Liz, that's when Janis realised Regina had been making fun of her and calling her an obsessed lesbian. I'm the one who made her realise. That was the last day that Regina acknowledged my existence and it hurt. I hardly had any friends, Regina and Janis were best friends. Janis and Damian were best friends. Regina, Karen and Gretchen were friends. Damian was my friend through Janis. Regina was nice to me through Janis. I wanted Regina to be my friend too.

Once Janis was kicked out, Damian hung out with me but it wasn't the same. I felt horrible because it felt like Regina didn't want to see me or speak to me because of something I'd done to try to help her. Janis covered for me for soaking Regina's bag and everything inside. I'd done something similar on the first day this year, not telling Principal Duvall that Janis had painted and stitched the giant middle finger on my jacket leading to me being suspended for the rest of the first week.

I can still hear the screams. Janis and Regina screaming, Janis crying and Regina's "My backpack!" going around in circles in my brain over and over. Getting louder and louder, over the top of each other and not stopping. The crescendo of chaos reaches a breaking point. I erupt from my prone position, screaming, "STOP!" into the eerie silence of my house.

I sit up and the music seems to get louder, the screams in my head still there but muffled under the music. I grab my phone and check the time, 3:47 am. I put on my headphones and a random pair of shoes in my room, grabbing my keys and running downstairs and out the front door, running down my street and into the dark.

With the music playing in my ears and the muffled screams still running through my mind, I keep running down the street with tears streaming down my face. "Please stop." I keep saying, seemingly more to myself than the voices of Regina and Janis. The rhythmic cadence of my footsteps matched the beat of the music, a futile attempt to outrun the haunting memories that trailed behind me.

I just keep running, not exactly knowing where I'm going, just navigating through the streets, the glow of street lights illuminating my figure every so often when I pass under them. Still running with the tears continually running down my face at the same pace and the voices all fighting with each other, I make it to a door and angrily crash into it, my knees giving out and throwing me to the ground.

I rip the headphones off, my choked sobs now fighting with the screams and cries as I just sit on the concrete slab. The door slowly creaks open quietly and with one final "My backpack!" the voices stop. A soft, "Y/n? What are you doing here?" Silencing the mess in my mind.

With my palms pressed to my eyes, the girl crouches to my level and gently places a hand on my shoulder, unsure how to approach this. "Y/n, what's wrong? Please tell me what's going on." Trying to slow my sobs down, a soft "bitch," is all I can let out. "What?" the girl says, not knowing how to respond.