Not Evil,Just Hurt

56-Trust

Draco looks at me with a worried air. The sudden tears running over my face took him by surprise.

Slowly, he approaches his hands towards my face. He puts his hand on my cheek and wipes my tears with his thumb. His hands are warm and his rings are cold. I'm friezing at his contact.

- Sorry.

Say I move back a little to keep his hands away from my face. I wiped the tears from my face with the sleeves of my uniform.

Draco seemed a little confused. I couldn't say if it was due to the sudden appearance of my tears, my apologies or because I moved away from him.

I move to be sitting on this side. I looked straight ahead, trying not to cry. I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I knew what to do, but I didn't know if I was so capable of it. I don't want to see him suffer. I don't want to see him lose his self-esteem.

I know he doesn't see himself as I see him. I know it, that since he is a dead eater, he sees himself even more in horrible ways. He thinks he is a horrible person, but he is not at all. He is so fabulous, and I would like him to see himself like me, I see him. He deserves to see himself as he should. Also, if he could see himself this way without needing his father's esteem, I would not have to hurt him.

I can't hurt him, I would no longer be able to look at myself as before. I just can't do that to him. He will suffer so much and he doesn't deserve it. Unfortunately, I am not able to lie to him. At one time or another, I will have to confess our whole plan to him. I can't avoid this suffering and I hate myself for that.

- Rosemarie, what's going on? Please tell me... I don't like to see you like that.

Draco tells me gently. You can perceive worry in your voice. He is really worried about me. He looks at me, but I look straight ahead, not daring to look at him, not wanting to burst into tears again.

- Rosemarie, please look at me...

Draco takes my hand gently. He's worried, but he doesn't want to force me to do something I don't want. He understands that what bothers me is not something simple. His tone is calm. He doesn't want to rush me, but he also doesn't want me to close on myself. He holds my hand and looks at me. He's waiting for me to be ready to look at him. He plays quietly with my ring while waiting for me to be able to.

After a few minutes, I look away and look at Draco's fingers that intertwine with mine. I don't say anything, I'm just looking. Slowly, I pass my fingers between the space separating his own. I gently close my fingers on his hand.

I feel Draco's gaze on me. I continue to stare at our two hands now intertwined together. Draco gently and delicately gives a slight pressure to my hand. I'm not really sone why, but it makes me smile. I am unable to hide my smile.

So I decide to look away from Draco. I stare at him gently and without looking at him, I gently press on his hand as he did.

With his other hand, Draco pulls me towards him and gives me a little kiss on the forehead.

- Why do you apologize, my angel? You don't need to apologize. You have the right to show emotions. I know that both of us were not raised with permission to speak. I know that for your part, it was worse.

I gently watch Draco speak with a soft voice. Hearing him talk about this, I couldn't hold back a few tears from flowing. Draco goes slightly towards me and wipes them with hand gestures while continuing to speak with that soft voice.

- I don't want you to hide from me how you feel. If you want to cry, cry. I'll stay with you, no matter what you go through. I no longer want you to close in on yourself.

I'm looking at Draco. I feel so strange. I felt something I've never felt before. I feel good. I've never felt so good. His presence alone is enough for me. I feel so loved, understood and protected with him. Every time he tells me such beautiful things, I capsize. No one has ever made me feel as well as he does and so easily. I love him so much. I don't know what could have happened to me since I went back to school without him.

Without him, Cormac would surely have continued to touch me. I would probably never have stopped my panic attack. This is only what he did for me today, but he did more, even without realizing it.

- I love you

The words escape from my mouth without me being able to hold them back.

This is not the first time I've told him, but my words make him react. Immediately, Draco approaches a satisfied smile and stares me in the eyes.

- I love you too, MA Rosemarie.

Draco answers me with honesty.

Draco laughs slightly and I blush at these words. I like to know that my feelings are shared.

- I didn't expect you to tell me that now, but at least I know it's sincere.

Draco told me, laughing and still displaying his satisfied smile.

- I didn't expect to say it either. I say it very impulsively, but very sincerely.

I say laughing in my turn.

Draco looked me in the eyes. He suddenly looked at me in a slightly more serious way. He was still very sweet, but I saw that he wanted to talk to me seriously. I knew exactly what he was going to tell me. I knew what I had to tell him and so I let him continue in his momentum.

- Can we talk about what was biting you earlier, please? I need to know. You seemed very upset and I don't want to leave you alone with that.