Not Evil,Just Hurt

57- Tears

— Can we talk about what was bothering you earlier, please? I need to know. You seemed very upset and I don't want to leave you alone with this.

I take a deep breath. I have to tell him, but I'm afraid of making him suffer. I really would like to tell him all this in one go, like I usually do, but I can't. Usually I don't care if what I say hurts the other person, so I say it gently, but right now I can't. I care about Draco and I don't want him to suffer in any way. I have to go slowly.

-Draco, it's really not easy, what I'm about to tell you. I've been hesitant to tell you for a while now, because I'm afraid you'll suffer from it. The problem is, I feel bad hiding something from you, especially this one in particular. I don't feel able to hide this from you anymore, but I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be the source of your suffering, but I have no choice. I need to tell you. Anyway, if you don't learn it from me, someone else will tell you.

I said with tears streaming down my already red face again.

Draco kisses my forehead. And looks at me with a comforting and supportive look .

I look at him without saying anything. I don't want to tell him. I'm not ready, I'll never be ready. Tears continue to flow down my cheeks. I start playing with my ring.

As soon as Draco sees me playing with my ring, his expression changes. His features soften, but are immediately replaced by great worry. These eyes turn a very pale gray. His smile fades and is replaced by worry.

I know at this very moment that he has been discussing me with my twin. Mattheo is the only one who knows that it's a nervous tic that I do when I'm terribly stressed. Most of the time, this turns into a panic attack.

In any case, from Draco's reaction, I know that my brother talked to him about it. No one but my brother knows and I've never done this in front of Draco before.

Despite everything, I continued to play with my ring. I knew I should stop, but I couldn't. The stress was too much and it was the only way to feel better. This gesture reassures me and allows me to relax. My brother never liked me doing that. In my opinion, my brother must believe that I am doing this for no reason, but that is not the case. I don't do it to relax and help me focus on managing my stress to control it.

I do it because I have to control my stress. I don't want my stress to cause me to lose control over my powers.

Deep down, I know what scares my twin in my nervous gesture. I know there's a part of him that thinks doing this hurts me. I know he's afraid that playing with my ring like this will hurt me, but that's not the case. In fact, she helps me a lot. I've hurt myself before with my ring, but it was almost nothing. It was just a simple scratch from the pressure on my ring while turning. Nothing very alarming. Especially since the good it brought me was much more present than the harm it caused.

Draco looks at me with his worried look and his eyes turned very pale. He gently took my hands and I looked up at him, annoyed that I couldn't play with my ring now. I tried to remove my hands from his, but he held my hands tightly, careful not to position me. I didn't give up and continued to try to regain control over my hands.

— Rosemarie, stop.

Draco said this to me in a gentle tone, but a bit more dry and serious than earlier. It sounded more like an order than a request.

Despite everything, I continued to try to break free from his grip. I needed to play with my ring. I know it wasn't entirely healthy, but I couldn't control myself. The stress was slowly getting the best of me. The tears, which had diminished a bit, began to flow again.

— Rosemarie, please. Stopped. You're hurting yourself.

Draco said this with a hint of guilt in his voice. His eyes showed a hint of sadness.

I knew he felt bad seeing me like this. I saw it in those eyes, but I couldn't.

Stop me. Draco looked even more terrible and worried than my brother when this happened. I felt like he was going to start crying at any moment.

The stress was even more present. I had a feeling it would turn into a panic attack if he didn't let me. I felt worse and worse. Tears flowed uncontrollably down my already red face.

Seeing me continue, Draco became even more worried and hurt.

Suddenly, I think I see a tear rolling down the young blond's cheek. I looked more closely and in fact, this one was crying. By my fault. I was the one who put him in this state. I suddenly felt guilty. Terribly wrong and guilty. My stress vanished and, strangely, my desire to play with my ring disappeared too. My stress was gone, but I still felt terrible. I had hurt the one I loved and it made me suffer terribly. I felt a pang in my heart seeing him like that. I stopped myself from trying to pull my hands out of his strong grip.

I raised my head and looked at him. Tears ran down her cheeks. She wasn't very visible, but I saw them and it broke my heart.