Tujhse Hain Raabta

Her Pain

Arnav looked at his Kriti. She was busy reading a book. Or maybe she wasn't reading. He didn't know. For the first time since their wedding, he couldn't read her. It had been two days since the event and Kriti had kind of shut down. She would talk if she was spoken too. Her smile didn't reach her eyes and that drove Arnav crazy.

"I'm going to make dinner." Kriti stood up and put her book down.

Arnav sat up straight. "We'll cook together."

"No." She sounded so aloof. "It's alright. I'll do it."

Arnav sighed and relaxed back. He missed his wife. She didn't talk much anymore.

A sudden yelp came from the kitchen. He was on his feet in no time and rushed towards Kriti. "What's wrong?"

"I cut my finger." He put her finger in the wash basin and flicked the tap open.

"I can't do anything right." Kriti was close to crying. "I can't chop vegetables and I can't give birth."

Her words broke Arnav's heart. "Precious, where is all this coming from?"

He sat her down and passed her a glass of water. After she gulped it down, Arnav sat down on a chair beside her. "Please talk to me, Kritika. Your silence is killing me."

Kriti took a deep breath in. "I just, I-" She took another breath in and reached out to hold Arnav's hand.

 "Ever since, I've gotten to know that I won't be able to have a child, it has just been tough." Arnav squeezed her hand, encouraging her to keep talking.

"I don't have to tell you how tough it is to be a woman in our society and being a woman that won't ever have a kid of her own, it is a 100 times more difficult. When I found out about my condition, it was like life was sucked out of me." She blinked her eyes to stop herself from crying.

"I always wanted that husband-children-cosy home lifestyle. I honestly thought, Ashok-" she looked at him. His face was filled with worry. "I thought he would support me and stick by me but, the minute he got to know, he flipped."

Arnav pulled her closer and rubbed her shoulder. "He just threw me away. I begged him not to. There are so many alternatives to having children now but he wasn't ready to listen." She sniffed and rubbed her eyes. "It just got worse from there, really. People came to know. There were snubs and fake concerns. Relatives suggested some crazy methods for me to be able to conceive."

"I hated going home. Every time I'd look at my parents face, I felt like I failed them but the funny thing is, this isn't my fault. Not being able to bear a child isn't in my control and I know that it doesn't make me less of a woman if I can't give birth. There is so much more to achieve but somehow, the world succeeded in making me feel like I'm not a complete woman." She broke into a sob and leaned on Arnav's shoulder. Arnav kissed her head and rubbed her back, his own eyes filled with tears.

"I was given so many names. Infertile. Barren. Someone once told me that I should consider a sex change. They meant it as a joke, apparently."

Arnav's jaw clenched. "Insensitive pricks."

"When maa and papa started looking for matches, it was the start of another nightmare. I hated them. I had to get ready and sit in front of the groom and his family and they'd be very inconsiderate and ask the meanest questions possible. I  remember a guy once said that he was going to get a second wife so that he'd have a child of his own." She wiped her face with her sleeve.

"I had started to embrace the title of a bachelor for life but then I met you, you were my 13th match, you know that?"

Arnav smiled slightly. "You know what they say, 13th times the charm."

Kriti chuckled and kissed his cheek.

"Kritika, I want you to know that I'm always here." He knelt down and cupped her face. "On the days you find it difficult to remember the amazing self you are, I'll remind you. I'll assure you and help you get rid of the insecurities, my precious."

He kissed her forehead. "I'll be there for you to lean on and I'll love you harder."

Kriti threw her arms around him, hugging him closer. She kept kissing his face, his hair and placed a final kiss on his lips. "Thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for, precious." He got up and sat on the chair. "Kirtika, even if we are never able to adopt a child, I'll always love you the same. I did not marry you for a baby. I married you because I liked you. I married you because I want to grow old with you."

Kriti hid her face in his chest. "I love you, Arnav. You're the best thing ever happened to me."

Arnav wiped her tears and put his lips on her, pouring in all the assurance and love into their kiss.

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