The Vampire Diaries: Natalie Gilbert

116. Grieving

Natalie's POV

Part of me expected to wake up and feel like everything that happened was all a bad nightmare. But the minute my eyes land on Jeremy's sketches, I knew it was real. My little brother really is gone. I try to sit up, but a pair of arms keep me from leaving the bed. The familiar arms make me turn around to face Stefan.

He looks so peaceful, his features so relaxed. Wondering if I would ever lose him, I admire him softly. If he was taken from me, my heart would be left empty. Feeling the urge to cry approaching, I blink rapidly and untangle myself from his arms. Once in the bathroom, I let out a breath I was holding, grasping into the sink tightly as I feel my knees weaken.

I glimpse into the mirror, an expression of despair and guilt staring back at me. My years are impossible to repress, shimmering in my eyes. "Natty." A familiar voice calls out and I shake my head, knowing that voice. Standing beside me, I see Jeremy standing with a blank expression. He isn't looking at me the way he used too, he just looks numb.

Spinning around, I see it was just my imagination and my little brother isn't really there. Breathing heavily, I stare at the empty space. "I'm going fucking insane." I grumble to myself before I feel a sharp pain in my head making me grab it. My teeth grit in agony and I glance into the mirror, seeing my eyes flaring violet.

As the pain fades and my eyes go back to their usual colour, I blink in confusion before scoffing, stunned I can't get a break. "I need to get shitfaced drunk."

******

Sneaking out of the boarding house was easier than I anticipated. Damon was busy worrying about Elena, even though he's the reason for whatever she's doing, downing his bourbon. As I get closer to the Grill, I can hear multiple voices inside and I groan in annoyance as all of them bombard me.

However, when I sit down at the main bar and get my hands on the strongest alcohol there is, all their voices vanish. Each gulp gets rid of everything, making me feel utterly numb to the world. I forget everything- Jeremy's death, Elena turning into an emotionless bitch, the interminable, appending gloom. I wonder what would have happened if we didn't go looking for the cure. Everything would have turned out so differently, uncorrupted by death.

Disrupting my brief moment of quietness, someone who suddenly sits beside me, mentions that my phone won't stop buzzing. I don't need to look to know Stefan and Caroline are freaking out and constantly blowing my phone, asking where I am. Snatching a bottle of alcohol, I abandon the bar, a new destination in my mind.

******

Stumbling, I finally arrive at the cemetery and find the specific grave I'm looking for. "Hi, Aunt J." I greet, getting comfortable on the grass with my back against the grave stone. I sigh, leaning my head against the gravel and chug more booze from my throat, feeling the satisfying burn. "Everything's gone to shit, you know? You probably have a front-row seat to all of it."

I scoff at myself for waiting for some response. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'm totally insane." I chuckle, amused at myself. "After everything we've faced, it seems I'm finally cracking, seeing things and shit. I have to admit, I've lasted a lot longer than I thought I would."

I glance around as a soft breeze flows through the air. "This is the part where you go, 'No, sweetie, you're not going insane. I'm sorry, sweetie, for leaving your side when I promised I never would. Sorry for lying. Sorry for abandoning you.' But no, off course you don't say that. I mean, you are dead for gods sake."

I purse my lips as continuous rants leave my lips and I run a hand through my hair. "God, I sound fucking crazy, but it's fine. I've got a dead brother pass, a dead parent pass, and a dead auntie pass. The list goes on and on, and on." I ramble, gulping down another chug of alcohol. "God, I need fucking therapy."