Your Wattpad Agony Aunt! (On hold)

#43 - Pressure to be an A student

Hello:) I love your Agony Aunt book a lot, so it'd be nice if you could help me.

This year school got really really crazy. I was a straight A student, but sometimes I find that I've failed. And I get worried and overtaxed, and this makes me snappish.

I can't help panicking about my grades, and it's made me a lot less confident of myself. And I understand that my grades will fall because there's a huge jump between this year's and last year's work, but my parents don't. They still expect me to score in the 80's and this gets me even more stressed.

It's gone to the point where I have panic attacks every Sunday night or a meltdown before exams. I've tried talking to them, but they don't listen.

I don't want to feel so burnt out all the time. It gets me really anxious when I see all the kids and scholars in my class cramming. I don't feel like I belong in the first class. Sometimes I wish I could just give it all up, but I daren't. Please help me :(

::

Heya.

Firstly, can I refer you to chapter #21? There's a lot of good stuff I said on there that may help you.

I wouldn't be lying if I say I know exactly how you feel, because I too have overly-demanding parents (especially my Mum!) and I certainly feel a lot of pressure when it comes to grades. However, I've a couple suggestions that can hopefully improve your situation.

1. Ask your teacher(s) to talk to them

Before parent-teacher consultation, my Philosophy teacher often told us that he would reiterate to our parents how well we were doing - even though some of us were at a C or a B - because given the circumstances (ie. The jump from IGCSE to A-level in the British system, equivalent to 10th and 11th Grade I think), it was almost impossible to instantly get an A. So during the consultation, he would explain to them that the workload is a lot more and that different skills were required, which is why he reiterated that we would get better over time, but we were currently doing very well. A few of my other teachers told my parents that, and they were a lot more understanding of the situation.

Chances are, your parents put a lot of pressure on you because they don't know or don't understand the leap between last year and this year (as you said there was). Parents don't normally listen to you when you try to explain (trust me, I know) because they think you're just spitting out excuses, but if they hear it from your teacher(s), they are more likely to see where you're coming from.

For me, when my parents began to understand how A-levels worked, they were more sympathetic - of course, they expect me to get all As when my results come out - but they now understood that it would take a while before I got the hang of it. That took a lot of pressure off my back because they knew I was doing my best in the beginning (I mean, I got Ds and stuff but that's not the point!) but eventually improved as I spent more time practicing and working towards it.

So, you can try and talk to one of your teachers and let them know the pressure you're going through, and ask them to speak to your parents about it so that they can reassure them that you'll be fine; even though you're not always getting an A.

2. Find a tutor

If you're struggling with some concepts in school in a particular subject or two, ask your parents if you can invest in private tuition (if it is affordable).

This was particularly useful for me in IGCSEs for French and Maths, because those were two subjects that you can't just read the textbook and understand - you have to continually practice, and with regards to French, practice speaking with someone. So we got a tuition teacher at home and I'd have about two lessons with them each week, which helped a lot because they helped build my confidence and clarify concepts that I couldn't grasp.

My Mum was very sceptic about doing tuition, but I assure you that the results made it worth it. They focus on what you're struggling with, unlike school where you can't get much individual attention, and they give homework so as to ensure you are always working on it.

I understand that there is a lot of pressure being a high achiever, and you may sometimes feel embarrassed for not understanding something and therefore be afraid to ask for help. But, a tutor could really give you the confidence you need, so try talk to your parents about that.

If a private tutor is not possibility, you could ask a teacher in school if they could give you a few individual classes during free periods or after school. I doubt that that's a problem - teachers like students who go out of their way.

3. Take care of yourself

Amidst all the pressure, you need to remember that you are your #1 priority. You could use all the time in the world studying but it's no use if you're stressing your body out, because your body will probably bail out on your brain when you need it to be on point.

So, get enough sleep. Keep yourself hydrated by drinking loads of water, and eat fruits and vegetables and stuff like that.

Sleep is the most important, because it also helps out your brain. Don't tire yourself out. Don't lose sight of what's most important - you - in a bid to keep up your grades.

4. Relax and trust in yourself

It sounds like you need to take a chill pill. Take a break.

You know how you freak out every Sunday night/before exams or whatever? You could take those times as opportunities to do things that calm you down, such as listening to music.

I usually trust in the fact that I've done the best I can and that I know all I need to know to kill the exam.

Trusting and believing in yourself gives space for you relax.

Relaxing gives your mind a break.

::

Unfortunately, that's all I can think to tell you right now. If you keep having panic attacks, perhaps seeing a doctor is in order.

The fact that you're in the class for smartie-pants didn't come about by chance: you earned your spot. So don't ever feel like you shouldn't be there.

Unless, of course, you're extremely uncomfortable that you feel like you must move down. If that's the case, don't be afraid to consult your teacher(s) about it so that you can decide what's best for you.

Hope I helped, and good luck!

- genie_us x