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#52 - Does he like me?

Hey,2 years ago I met this guy and we had a terrible encounter twice, along the lines of his hands going a little too far up my thigh and groping. I despised him and I felt gross after he did it but a small dark horrible part of me liked him.We never spoke about either of these things happening and acted completely normal. He left the next year and I could breath a little better knowing he wasn't going to touch me or pass a slutty comment.He returned this year. And, he's completely different.

The old feelings I had about him have come back. He's much nicer, kinder and we have a lot in common, but after a lot of pushing from both sides of my friend groups he has started dating my friend.

Even though he's dating my friend he does small things like grabbing my waist from behind, always watching me and smiling at me, and even his friends have gone as far as mocking him for the life long crush he's had on me. They're now begging me to go out with him so they don't have to deal with him talking about me.He's dating my friend though and I'm scared of whether or not he's playing me for fun or he's messing around with me like when I was a stupid naïve kid. Or if he's always liked me but been a jerk about it.Should I hate myself for feeling like this after he's groped me and felt me up? Does he actually like me?I don't know what to do!

- I really need your help :(

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Hello!

I'll get right to it. 

"Should I hate myself for feeling like this after he's groped me and felt me up?"

NO! The answer is NO.

You should never hate yourself, let alone for the feelings you have. 

It's normal.

It's part of growing up, really. We're sexual creatures, we're created to enjoy certain feelings and whatnot. When we're going through puberty and stuff, we're told to suppress these feelings or that these feelings are bad, but they're not. It's normal. It's normal to like when somebody touches you somewhere, it's normal to like being kissed, it's normal to like someone.

So don't let yourself feel guilty for it. 

Of course, this is the part where I have no idea where your moral stance is on stuff like that. If you don't want it to happen again, it's up to you to say "no, stop touching me like that." But its for you to figure out where your boundary is. One thing you may realize is that it's never that serious, so don't beat yourself up for it. 

Never hate yourself, darling. You're too beautiful to be hated by yourself.

"They're now begging me to go out with him so they don't have to deal with him talking about me."

More often than not, if someone' s friends keep saying that someone likes you, it's usually true. I'm not trying to raise your hopes up or anything but if this is the case, maybe it is the case! Try and talk to some of them about him. Ask them what he says about you, and if his crush is genuine.

Also inquire as to why he's dating your friend if he likes you, not her. That will be quite interesting to know. 

 "Does he actually like me?"

Okay so the way to find out is simple: ask him.

Like seriously. Ask to talk to him one time in private and just have a legitimate, adult talk about it. One thing you can do if you're bold enough is tell him that you like him first and that you feel that he's been sending you some signals that you can't ignore. 

If he tells you that he likes you too, well and good, you'll have to figure out how to move on from there - especially seeing that he's dating your friend. If he doesn't though, tell him to stop being inappropriate when he's around you because it's extremely misleading. 

You say he's changed, so it will hopefully be a civilized conversation that you can both get something out of. It will hopefully let you both clear the air and any doubts you once had will be gone. Really, it'll be the solution to everything.

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Lastly, you need to have a sit-down with your friend who's dating the guy - if she's legitimately your friend. If she's like an acquiantance that you barely talk to (apart from the occasional hellos when you meet on the corridor), then there's no point. But if she's your friend friend, she has a right to know what's going on. You need to explain that you've liked him awhile. You don't need to tell her the whole groping story if you don't think its necessary as that was ages ago, but tell her that he's been rather suggestive with you. 

I know this might be the hardest part, but you owe it to his girlfriend to tell her the truth regardless of whether or not more issues will arise from it (which they probably will, don't say I didn't warn you).

(#CozBabyNowWeGotBaaadBloooodddd)

 You also owe it to yourself to know why he keeps leading you on. You owe it to yourself to finally find out whether your 50-million-year-crush on this boy may result in something.

Just remember:

1. Forgive yourself for the 'incident'.

2. Ask his friends what's going on.

3. Talk to him about his actions, tell him of your crush on him (and ask about his on you), and also mention what his friends have been telling you.

4. Talk to your friend, a.k.a. his girlfriend, about the situation.

5. Ask your own friends for support through it all...it may be a bumpy ride.

Take my advice at your own risk! I keep forgetting to remind people that, lol. If anyone disagrees with me or has something to add onto this, don't hesitate to comment.

Lots of love,

- genie_us xx

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