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#51 - I always seem to attract drama!

Hey genie_us,

It seems like drama attracts me or something. Let me explain: random friends will come up to me and confess their feelings for someone else or their hatred towards someone close, when I have nothing to do with it. At first I was like "they're doing it because you're their friend", but that was until I met this guy one time and, as soon as I got home, he messaged me about how he's crushing on someone while in a relationship.

I'm happy to help, but I do wonder sometimes why I attract others' drama when it has nothing to do with me?

::

Hello!

In answer to your question, I've thought up a couple reasons that perhaps explain why you've been attracting drama. If you can identify with one of them, maybe then you can decide whether to change something or just keep it the way it is.

1. Too friendly?

If you're one to smile often and generally have a pleasant, welcoming face around everyone (including strangers), then people are immediately drawn into a feeling of trust with you. I've one friend like that. She's actually the sweetest person I've ever met. She could be saying something completely serious but she's still smiling and she's the type of person you can't help but love. Unfortunately, I've a resting bitch face apparently. So when the time comes for others to find someone to confide in, she's obviously the go-to person.

Perhaps you just have this over-friendly aura about you and as a result everyone feels like you're the person to go to when they've a problem. This is not a bad thing obviously, but if you are trying to minimize the drama you're getting sucked into and feel that this is your downfall, you can try and hold back a little bit. For instance, if you're just meeting someone, try and be as professional as possible. I do this, not in bad taste but simply because I would prefer to build a relationship through a longer period of time rather than in an instant. Of course this has its disadvantages, but it also means that I'm not bombarded with people who apparently think we're best friends after one conversation.

2. Too open?

Another reason you may be attracting drama is because you disclose too much information either without noticing or without realizing the effect it has on the person you're talking to. For instance, say you met the guy you talked about and started pouring out some personal information about yourself already. When someone does this, the other person feels compelled to return the favour. It's like some sort of unspoken rule: I share something personal, which means I trust you, which means you should share something personal, so that I know you trust me. If this is you and you aim to minimize the drama in your life again, try and hold back a bit and be a bit more guarded when you're talking to people who aren't your close friends.

3. Wrong crowd?

I've heard people say this before: "You don't attract drama. You're drawn to it."  

This simply suggests that drama never actually comes to you; you're the one that goes towards it. Maybe you've been doing this subconsciously/without realizing. Take a look around you. Who are your friends? Who do you say belongs to your social group?

After you've identified them, think about whether they're always involved in some sort of drama. Perhaps one of them has a reputation for backstabbing others. Maybe another is notorious for cheating. Maybe another is a f*ckgirl/f*ckboy, (if you know what I mean). In no way do I mean to pass judgment upon anyone, but if these are the types of friends you have, then of course there will be drama, regardless of whether or not you're directly involved.

That's just how school works. You're always involved somehow, whether you were watching a particular event happen or whether the person was talking to you two weeks before it happened. If your social group has plenty of drama to go round, it'll find you too, eventually.