𝗡𝗶𝗸𝗸𝗶 𝗦𝗶𝘅𝘅 ~ 𝗢𝗻𝗲-𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 🤍

• 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗱 🩷

•❤️•

Y/N's POV, 1989

Nikki Sixx held way too much against himself, he found it hard to let go of his mistakes and always felt like he had a point to prove, to himself, to everyone else. He'd made many mistakes the last few years, yes, but he was holding himself to impeccably high standards to try and right those wrongs and he was driving himself into a bad place.

He was a good person, I'd always seen that from the day we met but despite how many times I'd told him, he never believed me and always countered anything positive I said about him with a negative. It was heartbreaking to watch because I loved him, completely adored him and to know he has such a deep distain for himself, hurts.

He'd gone to rehab last year, cleansing himself of his heroin addiction and promising he'd be better, he'd never go back again and he hadn't. He'd done so well and I was so unbelievably proud of him, him getting clean was enough of an apology to me for everything he did but it was never enough for Nikki.

Nik was in therapy, two sessions a week. He had one today, and I always sat in these sessions with him, he wanted me there, needed me there. I helped him answer more difficult questions and made sure to tell his therapist things that he purposely leaves out and he appreciates it in the long run even if he doesn't in the moment.

Therapy was helping him but the biggest challenge was this self hatred he had, this standard he'd come up with in his head to uphold himself too. He did so much to make up for his behaviour of the past that it was almost having the opposite effect now because no matter what he did, it wasn't enough for him.

It had gotten even worse since I found out I was pregnant three weeks ago. Nikki felt under pressure now and things weren't meant to be that way, he wasn't meant to be worrying about how much he could fuck things up and how he hasn't proved to himself he's capable of being a good person, certainly not a good father. He was now giving himself nightmares, he woke up almost every night at least once after having had a nightmare about something he did to me when high, or just invented things he could have done which I think was worse for him.

There was seemingly nothing I could do to make him feel better about anything. These nightmares had been brought up in Nikki's therapy sessions but despite the discussions and advice Nikki got to help him, the nightmares didn't stop.

Tonight, or this morning is more appropriate, Nikki woke up in a state of panic, and like was routine now, I woke up at the same time as him. I sat up immediately and placed a hand on his back, forcing myself to wake up suddenly and ignoring the pull to just fall back to sleep "Nik? Nik, it's okay."

"N-no... no, I was-... you were. I was her... I w-was her." The man whispered, looking me in the eye, scared, shaken.

"Who, baby?"

"Deana." He choked "I turned into h-her."

I sat on my knees and wrapped my arms around Nikki, hugging him tightly which he returned, crying into my shoulder "It was just a dream, Nikki... just a dream... you're nothing like her and you never will be. It's alright... it's alright."

"It's not... i-it's not because I w-was like her... I was like h-her."

"You weren't... you really weren't. But it doesn't matter anymore, that's all in the past."