𝗡𝗶𝗸𝗸𝗶 𝗦𝗶𝘅𝘅 ~ 𝗢𝗻𝗲-𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 🤍

• 𝗦𝗹𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 🩷

•❤️•

Nikki's POV, December 23rd 1987

I used to feel so alive. I used to actually be happy. Used to look forward to my future, until that was stripped from me leaving me a cold, shell of a man who doesn't give a rats ass what happens to him. I didn't want to be like that, I didn't want to feel like this. And that's how I kinda lost my shit.

Y/N was my girlfriend, and sixteen months ago, she died. She went out with some friends, they were driving back home, got totalled by a speeding truck. Y/N and her two best friends all died in that accident, but I have some solace in the fact I was told it would have been quick. Regardless of her small bit of comfort, it destroyed me, and we were working on 'Girls, Girls, Girls', at the time this all happened. It messed up the schedule for that album, that whole album was rushed and kinda lacklustre because I couldn't get my shit together.

All I'd done since was struggle, and fall into the arms of addiction because being totally off my face all the time was a hell of a lot better than living through the fact the woman I love, and always will, is dead. The other guys had tried to help in some small ways, Tommy makes a regular habit of visits and phone calls to make sure I'm not dead. Mick keeps an eye on me from afar, observing, having the odd little chat with me at studio sessions or in meetings. And Vince? Vince was a little more complicated, I'd ditched him after Razzle, offered him no support at all, and he was stuck in some place where I think sometimes he wanted to help me, talk to me, but then that cold, bitterness he had towards me since Razzle died rises up and prevents him from talking to me.

That's not saying he did nothing, he'd come with me to a couple of parties thrown by Robbin Crosby, or the LA Guns guys, mainly Tracii. He isn't a fan of Robbin's parties, but the couple he had attended since Y/N died, he'd attended purely to keep an eye on me, and had taken me home if I got to messed up, even staying the night once. However, we never speak about anything meaningful, we'd never talked out Razzle, and he'd never brought up Y/N.

There was a party tonight, Vince wasn't attending this one. And I was actually glad of it, because although I wanted to fix our rocky relationship, I didn't need him to babysit me out of pity or obligation.

I was partying more now than I ever had in my whole life, even more than in the early days of the band. I was losing myself, I knew that. I was so deep in heroin now, it was pretty much all I seemed to do, all I seemed to live for. But at least it couldn't be taken from me, not without me wanting it gone and I couldn't want that, because without it, I'd have to be aware of how lonely and cold life was now. How miserable I was.

The party tonight was more of a drug party than a party, party. There was music but, it was just there as background noise, everyone was just getting high. Everyone was talking, the music was still rather loud despite it being background noise. In actuality, the whole world was so loud to me nowadays. Given I spent so much of my time in the silent, solitary confinement of my bedroom, everything was loud to me now. I'd been keeping to the outskirts of the party, with the likes of Slash and Steven Adler joining my vicinity, the party becoming a bit too much for them too, whether that's because they were too high to want to be social or weren't high enough was yet to be seen.

I'd had a few drinks with them, and I'd been dosed up on smack by one of the dealers, a guy I did know so trusted him. Slash and Steven knew what happened with Y/N, just like the whole world did so they did tread on eggshells around me sometimes, right now was no different.