I Bet I Would

Chapter 1: Girlfriend Radar

PAULENE

"Okay, goodnight."

I sent my boyfriend, Josh, a reply when he said that he was just tired already and needed sleep.

No XOXO's, no ILY's, just that.

I'm somehow tempted to give in, though.

He is sleeping at 7PM? Who are you kidding?

I don't really know what got him so tired when he said he was just at home all day. 

Maybe someone is keeping him busy!

Here I go again with my paranoia. 

You can't blame me. I caught Josh cheating on me three times already. But, he is my first love and just like in fairy tales, he is supposed to be my last love as well. This is why I'm sticking to him. 

I also think that my "martyrdom" was worth it. I seem to have changed him from a playboy to a stick to one kind of guy. We've been together for a year and six months now. 

I won't deny my fear that he will go back to his old habit of infidelity especially now that I'm over a thousand miles away from him. As the saying goes, "Once a player, always a player".

However, I always find consolation by reminding myself of the famous quote by Edith Hamilton, "Love cannot live where there is no trust."

My family and I just moved here in Miami a few weeks ago.

This long distance relationship is so difficult. Josh and I are not used to being away from each other. 

It will take some adjustments. We just have to work it out. I have all sorts of e-books on how to make this kind of relationship work. Read countless of articles too. I know the deal. Yet, I have to admit that things are still not so lovely between us now. It's really different.

Well, I guess I should not think of those kinds of things. It contradicts with the meaning of "love" that I would want to believe in. 

We've been through so much already. Our love shall transcend distance. 

"Hey! Dinner's ready, you schizo," Krista said, rolling her eyes. 

"I won't be eating."

"Pau, seriously, you have to drop the anorexic act."

"I'm not anorexic! I love food. You, on the other hand, dear sister, are a hypocrite. You just want me to eat so you won't feel too guilty for having an after-six-dinner."

And then Krista just dragged me to the dining room. She really won't take no for anything. Moreover, she hated being alone with my parents.

I can't blame her. Trust me, you don't want Mr. and Mrs. Josiah's full attention on you. They're good parents, yes. Just probably too good that it can get quite suffocating. 

After dinner, I jumped to my bed, flipped my Mac open and logged in to Facebook.

I have Notifications from my friends back in Canada. Oh god, I miss them so much. I miss Canada. I miss my friends, and of course, I miss Josh.

I went to Josh's Timeline.

I smiled when I saw the Relationship Status: In a relationship with Paulene Josiah.

I was about to post on his Wall when I realized that it was disabled.

Hmm... Call me Miss Big Deal, but, I feel that something's off. My girlfriend radar is receiving some faint signal. 

I scanned his Timeline, I could not see posts from others and tagged items. How weird is that?

So, he must have changed his Timeline's privacy settings, but, why?

Why to me?

I'm his girlfriend.

Okay, I know I may sound like a possessive, unreasonable nut job. Sure, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm just his girlfriend. Not even his mother has issues with it. We have our individuality.

But why?

I went to his Profile Pictures, looking for that adorable photo of us to make me feel better.

I could not find it.  It seems that he took down all of our photos together.

I am feeling more uneasy. My girlfriend radar is picking up stronger signals. 

I went back to his main Profile Photo. Just looking at his pretty face makes me forget all my doubts. I wanted to comment "Looking great, babe :-* " and when I was about to do so, I saw a comment from a Jenny Diaz that said, "I think I know who took this picture ;) Had fun, btw. Thanks! xx "

1) They were together. 

2) She took the picture. Wait, maybe someone else did. No. They were together and she took that picture. Or probably they were in a group and some other person took the photo. Does not matter! It all goes back to number 1!

3) They had F U N together. 

4) Thanks? What did Josh do for her exactly?!

5) xx?! Kisses? Seriously? I even stopped myself from texting him XOXOs tonight and now she's freely giving him kisses?!

Jenny Diaz... Jenny Diaz.... I'm sure I heard your name before.

Sweet mother of fuck.

Not his ex girlfriend Jenny!

No, not her.

No.

Yes, it's her.

So, they are hanging out again.

I'm fanning myself with my hand.

Nothing wrong with that. But, why didn't Josh tell me especially that things happened between them before?

Should I be worried?

Hell, I already am!

Psh. xx my ass.