To Find You (Harry Styles)

Break Me

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OLIVIA POV

I lay there in my bed on my back. My eyes were trained on the ceiling fan, counting how many revolutions it had performed in the past half hour.

It was a dream...and a flashback. I remembered that dinner with my family. It was the last memory I had with all of the people that I loved.

I remember my parents bringing up middle school, and seeing the look on Harry's face just brought everything back. I don't think the medicine caused that dream to happen. It was sign

Louis hadn't come up to check on me. He knew I needed my space. He knew I had snapped.

I almost felt like I wanted to tell him everything I've bottled up inside over the past few years. I just didn't want to have any sympathy.

I needed him to break me.

 I needed...someone. Someone who wouldn't take no as an answer and would push me and push me until I cracked. I wanted to finally cry in front of someone, and pour out my emotions. I wanted to be able to confide in someone and not feel ashamed for revealing some of my secrets.

I knew Louis could be that person. He had never done anything to falter the amount of trust I had in him. He never did me any harm and he never lied to me. Never. He would never do that.

I loved Louis, no one could ever change that fact. I loved him with all of my heart, but I loved him as a brother. He protected me, but I still wished to be in Harry's arms at the end of the day.

I guess the flashback really brought me back to my senses.

I wanted Harry.

I wanted to be in his arms and his arms alone. I wanted him to kiss me and hug me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. That I wasn't going crazy.

But for right now, Louis would have to do. I really wanted to see a future with Harry in it, but I was uncertain of it right at that moment,

I heard a knock on the door. At the moment I knew I had to fulfill my plan. He was going to have to stop being Mr. Nice Guy and force me into doing things I didn't want to do. He was an expert at that.

 "Come in," I said.

He hesitantly opened the door and poked his head through. "Hey," said softly.

I wiped my eyes free of tears and motioned for him to come on inside. He walked quietly over to my bed and sat down on the edge.

"You don't have to be scared of me, you know," I said while chuckling. I nervously tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"I've just...never seen you so scared. In all the times you've been afraid...I've never felt so hopeless ." he spoke sadly.

"C'mere," I said guiltily and embraced him. I loved him so much.

"Louis? Can you do me huge favor?" I mumbled into the warmth of his neck.

"Of course babe. What is it?" he said tiredly. I didn't even know what time it was. I glanced over at the clock and saw it was only 2 in the afternoon. He must've been tired of worrying about me.

I pulled back from his embrace and looked him straight in the eye. My expression was dead serious. "I know you know I've been hiding things from you. Things I'm not that proud of. Lou, I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay. I''m not. It feels like I never will be."