To Find You (Harry Styles)

One Way or Another

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OLIVIA POV

"What do you mean?" he asked hurt." Don't you trust me?" His eyes were boring into mine, he was waiting for me to crack and tell him everything. I could tell.

"Lou," I sighed. " I'm allowed to keep secrets." His eyes widened at my response.

"Not if they're unhealthy for you!" he whisper screamed.

"They're not," I breathed.

I could tell he was becoming frustrated. I guess I would be too, if someone you were in charge of was purposefully hurting themselves.

There comes a point, in insanity, when all the guilt hits you like a tidal wave. First, it hits you. You feel terrible about harming yourself or making nasty remarks about your looks or ideas. You feel worthless, like not even a beggar would want anything from you. Then comes the real pain. The look on others' faces when they find out about your deepest darkest secrets. The look of pity or anger that resonates on their features for the rest of your relationship. The feeling that they can't help you no matter how hard they tried and how it's all your fault that your in this mess. Like nothing they ever will do will make any sort of positive impact on the dark thoughts that flood your mind every second and every minute of every day. Because, like the voices say, you're worthless  and don't deserve love.

So you do what is natural. You push people away and begin or continue to feel ashamed about your ideas about yourself. About how you wish to be allowed to be locked away in your room and never have to see the sunlight again or hold a conversation with a friend for as long as you shall live. Or, like some of us, how we'd rather be dead than live one more day with this disgusting mind of ours.

It's builds up over time. The feeling of uselessness and unworthiness to be in the presence of such perfect people. Perfect people like Louis and Harry.

Harry got everything he ever wanted. Well, in some ways. He did great in school and followed his dreams. Look where it got him now. He was part of a multi million dollar franchise with four new best friends. He turned out alright.

Louis, well he also followed his dreams and became filthy rich in both money and compliments. I heard of his past love life and he seemed pretty satisfied with it. He never mentioned that he ever wanted to change one single thing that lead him up to this point. Except for one. Me becoming unhappy. But I had told him that it was never his fault, when honestly I didn't know how I became this way. I was fine until they came around, but I refused to believe that they were bringing me down. I mean, how could they? They loved me and I loved them.

They were the definition of perfect. Perfect looks, perfect body, perfect personality. And here I was with my frizzy hair, thunder thighs, and depressed attitude.

I desperately wanted to know what had happened to cause me to be this way.Was sit possible for me to just wake up and feel terrible about myself. And then day after day losing more and more self confidence every time I walked out of the door. I  didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to be called crazy or insane even thought those were the qualities I associated myself with in my head.

I hadn't noticed Louis hands on my arms before it was too late. He squeezed my forearms tightly and I winced dramatically. My eyes squeezed shut and my mouth hing open slightly. The pain was excruciating but not completely unbearable. I had to bear it for Lou's sake.

"Then explain to me your reaction right now," he said viciously.

"You-your grip is r-really tight," I groaned in pain.

I opened my eyes and noticed that people were beginning to glance over to us. Not because of who we were, but because they could tell I was visibly in pain.

He didn't listen to my complaints but continued to hold my arms. After being stunned for a few minutes, I managed to wriggle them out of his grasp and hiss at him when he tried to regain his position.

"Do you not know the concept of leave it and let it go?" I said annoyed wile rubbing my arms gently. His fingertips had probably left bruises because of the ferocity of his grip.

"No, I won't let it go," he said rudely. "I'm going to get answers. One way or another."

It was almost as if he was challenging me through his speech. He was wanting me to decide of I was willingly going to let down my guard as I had before, or if I would make him work for it. Well, this time I was gonna make him work for it because I was tired of having breakdowns.

I rolled my eyes at him and put my head in my hands with my elbows on my knees. Can we just leave already?

I heard him sigh from beside me and out his hand on my back. I flinched when he touched me and I think he noticed. He slowly began to rub circles along my spine and shoulder blades. I didn't want to, but I relaxed slightly, my shoulders slumping. He applied more pressure to my left shoulder blade and I winced slightly. He murmured a sorry and moved onto the other side. I closed my eyes and sighed. What was this? What were we?

Before I attempted to answer any of my questions, I heard a shriek from across the airport.

"Slut!" she screamed. Louis abruptly removed his hand from my back as my head shot up. Sure, I had been called plenty of things on the Internet, but in person? Really? Then I noticed who it was.

"Whore!" I screamed while smiling. People were looking at both of us but I didn't care. I stood up from the bench and sprinted over to her. See? The running had done some good after all.

I grabbed the brunette and pulled her into a bone crushing hug. " I missed you so much."

"I missed you too hun." she said while crying softly.

She pulled back from our embrace and gave me once over. I looked down uncomfortably and crossed and uncrossed my arms. She looked back up into my eyes with a serious expression on her face.

"What the hell happened to you?"