Long Away (Queen Fanfiction)

Chapter Nineteen

The next couple of weeks are the longest roller-coaster of emotions I've ever felt. Roger and I are beginning to fall deeply in love, yet at the same time he's arguing with Brian. I'm so happy, but also so guilty.

Brian is more angry than upset now, and he's been giving Roger a very hard time. It's probably my fault. I was the one who broke his heart and left him for his best friend. But for some reason it's not my fault, too. I only ended it with him because I didn't feel anything. The only thing worse than breaking up just for the hell of it is staying together if there's no love. I've tried to tell him that a million times but he refuses to listen. I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself.

Tonight, Roger and I are both extremely stressed so we go to a bar together.

As we sit down, Roger starts off with a beer and I have a girly drink that looks good.

He huffs, slouching over the table. "I don't understand why Bri is being so dramatic," he says.

"I know, right? After all these years I thought I had him figured out. I didn't know he could get this worked up."

"What are we going to do about it?"

"Let me talk to him. Maybe I can make him understand why I'm with you."

"Hopefully you can."

He holds my hand, sitting silently. As we drink, I think about how it worries me that I've gotten the people I've idolized for years so involved with my life. Even though I have no idea how the hell it happened, I still somehow feel responsible. If I could go back in time to the day I first woke up here I would meet Queen, ask them if they know of any flats in the area, move into one, and get on with my life without having any effect on them.

Sometimes I wish this was all just a dream. I wish that I have been asleep this whole time, my mind just creating a fantasy involving the four men I adore so much. I wish this was just one of those dreams that starts off all happy, turns into a nightmare, then ends at the climax of the storyline. But sadly, this feels too real to be a dream. I can feel, I can see, I can touch. I haven't woken up, but that's just because I'm actually awake. I still don't know how I ended up in a different country in the past. Reality can be strange, can't it? This doesn't even feel like reality.

I'm snapped out of my fantasy when I finish my drink and Roger asks me if I want another one. I decline. "Why?" he asks.

"I'm going home," I answer.

"Any particular reason? Did I do something?"

"Of course not, honey, I've just got a lot on my plate. Too much to take in in public," I explain. "I'll get a ride home."

I kiss him, apologize, grab my things, then hitch a ride home.

I pay the cab driver, crawling out of the car. I swiftly sneak into the house, creeping past John who is asleep on the couch. I quietly enter my bedroom, then sob into my pillow with Queen II playing in the background. Why me? Why did I have to end up here? Why me? I repeatedly think to myself.

After a while, Freddie hears me and knocks on my door. I tell him to come in, so he does.

"Roxanne. I didn't figure you would be home. What's wrong, dear?" he asks me, putting a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.

"I want to go home!" I practically scream, so terribly out of breath.

"You are home."

"No, Freddie, I'm not," I snap. "I'm in hell!"

"What? That's bullshit!" He throws his hands in the air. "You've had so much fun here, with the exception of these past few weeks."

"It's not fun once you realize how fucked up this all is," I say. "Who just wakes up one day in a different country, in the past, in the house of a super famous band?"

"I know what you mean, but isn't this what you've always wanted?"

"It seemed wonderful once I got used to living here, but now I've flipped your lives upside down."

The Loser In The End starts to play on the record. What perfect timing. That's exactly how I feel right now; I've ended up being the loser in the end.

"No you haven't. Brian is just being a baby, like always." He laughs a little. "And look at how happy Roger has been with you! He hasn't flirted with anyone but you since the first day you lived here, which is pretty impressive. He really loves you. He wouldn't be as happy without you."

"But I've caused him to fight with Brian, and Brian's feelings are very hurt because of me," I argue.

"It will pass."

"But what if it doesn't?" I ask rhetorically before sighing and hugging him as I cry. "I just want to go back to 2015 where you're dead and everyone else is old and I have nothing to do with your lives," I say without thinking.

I feel Freddie's heart pound. I pull away from him as he mutters, "I'm... what?"

"Forget it. Don't think anything of it."

"I'm already dead in 2015?"

"I said don't think anything of it! God, Fred, why don't you listen?" As one can probably tell by now, my coping mechanism is anger and blame.

"But-"

"But nothing! I can't tell you anything else. I've already toyed with the past enough."

"Please, just let me ask one question," he begs.

"Fine."

"When do I die?"

"Nope. Can't tell you that. That would really mess with history," I tell him. "As much as I'd like you to live longer, it's too risky."

"Alright. How do I die, then?"

"Well, I can't tell you that either. But I'll just say it's not very well known right now."

"Hm... okay then." He stares at the ground.

"Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. No need to worry about me, darling," he assures me, forcing a totally fake smile, a tear or two rolling down his caramel skin.

"I'm really sorry for blurting that out," I say. "That was stupid of me. I don't think about other people's feelings when I'm upset. I have to work on that."

"I-it's fine." He tries not to draw attention to himself as he wipes his eyes. "I'll just need some time to think. But you know me, I'll get over it."

At that, he exits, leaving me to melt into a puddle of guilt and shame.