Chapter 1 Abuse or Love-

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Ugh time for work.

I slipped out of bed quietly trying not to wake up Chris. When I was out I headed to the bathroom. I started to run my bath water. I slipped out my clothes and got into the bath tub.

"Shit," I mumbled as the water stings my skin. I was trying to be as sensitive as I can towards my skin, in an attempt to not agitate the wounds of my body as much. I begin to tear up a little. The water is happily dancing around my bruised and exposed skin. My crying gets heavier that I hear the door squeak telling me someone is opening the door I look up to see Chris coming in.

"Morning." he says heading towards me as his eyes roam over my body.

"Morning." I mumbled.

"I'm sorry about last night," he takes a deep breath " I just lost my temper. " He runs his hands through his hair with the look on his face I can tell he feels very terrible about what he did.

"I know." I flinching again cleaning the wounds on my upper arm.

"Jordan, I know you are still mad but please know I love you." He says once again in attempt for me to forgive him. Which I already do, but him always hitting me when he gets mad is not acceptable.

"Chris, how many times will we go through this you continuously beat me, leaving the house, and running away to come home drunk." trying to hid the pain and irritation I was feeling but it comes out through my crackled voice.

Chris looks at me with a glare I haven't seen in awhile a glare that sends shivers down my spine.

"Jordan, I understand I'm sorry please know I mean it." bending down to the bathtub to be eye to eye with me. "I love you okay. And I'll make you Mrs. Parker soon okay." rubbing his back hand on my cheek.

I broke into a smile as he leans in to seal his promise with a kiss. As our lips met I part them allowing him in to deepen it. Which he does. His hands go into the bathtub to grip my skin. I flinch because he grabbed a wounded part of my skin. He looks in my eyes scared slowly rising and walking out.

I finished my bath and walked out the bedroom as Chris was getting ready for work. I walk over with my towel around my chest to help him put on his tie.

"You shouldn't be doing this." he says shaking his head allowing me to tighten the tie a little more.

"Doing what? Putting your tie on?" I laugh "Interesting." I say sarcastically

"No, standing butt naked with a towel covering it." he says licking his lips"Its very tempting you know." pulling me towards him gripping me around my waist.

Catching me off guard. I look at the clock "You have only ten minutes before you need to get on the road." I say attempting to push him off me.

"Oh darrling!" he says throwing his head back screaming at the top of his lungs. "That's all I need." he winks sending me into a laughing fit.

"No, when you come home. I have patients to attend to." I protest.

"They will have to wait because you have to now attend to daddy now Doctor." with a devilish grin smacked on his face as he sweeps me off my feet carrying me to the bed.

I rushed into the hospital and quickly checked in damn it Chris I was late because of you.

"Hey big head." I look towards the tall muscular with an even dark skin tone , smile that makes you drool.

"Big head. I Damar Johnson am not big head okay." Swaying his hips left to right I begin to laugh

Damar has been the best thing I have closet to family members he always been there and protected me through a lot.

"First of all the only big head here is yours and also," his eyes go cold. I can sense his eye looking through my soul.

"What!?" I say uncomfortable.

"He hit you again huh?" he spits through his teeth with anger.

"No." I said as truthful as I can.

"Cut the bullshit." He throws his hands up.

I grab his hand and pulled him into the closest nurse lounge where no nurse was in.

"Jordan, why are you committing suicide?" he looked me in the eyes grabbing a chair guiding me to sit.

The question caught me off guard in fact it even stung my feelings a little.

"Suicide." I repeated

"Yes, suicide you allow yourself to get beaten and you continue to keep it a 'secret'." Taking his fingers with his index and middle bending in down to quote the word secret. "Even though you know everyone in this hospital knows!" He says rolling his eyes.

"I love him okay Damar!" he was now getting under my skin.

"Love?" he repeated in a questioning tone. The way he said the word and the way his body shifted made it seem like he was hurt.

"Yes, love! I love him," yelling not knowing why not even noticing I was now standing up facing him.

"You love him or do you love the money he throws at you? Or do you love the abusive slaps and bruises he give you every time he loses his temper? Maybe you even love the lies he tells you." He stared me cold in the eyes.

I shiver.

But soon the shiver went from the bottom of my legs to the top and urging me to slap him.

I did exactly that. He's head jerks to the left. I realized what I did and was shocked I did so.

"I'm sorry. Oh my God I'm so sorry." I grab his face tears in my eyes. But his eyes still showed love with a hint of pain.

"What he is doing to you is abusive! Not love!" removing my hands from his face. He didn't let me talk again he just paced himself towards the door.

Was I trying to be loved? Or was I trying to be abused by someone?

As his words echo in my head I called off work early and headed out the door. I needed to think this through maybe its time I actually ended stuff before things get any crazy. My life is precious and I don't want to be killed trying to get someone to love me or to be loved by someone that can kill me .

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