Always Number Two (Matt Miller x Reader)

Chapter 19 ~ General Clark's Rodeo of DOOOOOOOOM

As I sat there chewing a burger, my mind wandered to the depths of the truth of the universe.

Things like, where do we go when we die? Where is Johnny Gat now? Will Kinzie ever retrieve her dildo from Shaundi, who took it away?

And Matt, did he know he was gay or was he completely oblivious to the fact he had blue lipstick smeared on his face? And where would he be getting his lipstick? Was it expensive?

"You staring off into space is creepy. Please stop." Matt seemed to be staring at me for a while. I couldn't really see him, but he was almost always with me. Did the kid ever sleep?

"Hey, Matt. You're 21 now, right?" I asked.

"Yes, and you're 24." As if I didn't know.

"Do you not sleep, or?"

"I have isomnia. As a child, I spent late nights gaming. As a teenager, I spent late nights gaming and watching Nyteblayde episodes to uncover secret easter eggs. And as an adult, I am doing the exact same thing, especially with the Nyteblayde games- and I'm also currently helping you escape." Matt sounded calm and toned-down- as if he could actually handle being around me. For as long as I can remember, Matt has hated me, and Kinzie has hated Matt. I also almost died because of him.

Oh, and I hated the way he said helicopter.

"So... I assume you really don't like hanging out with me?" I asked Matt. I knew he didn't. I just wanted the answer from him.

"You're not...That... bad." Matt said. It sounded like he was wincing. "You're verbally and physically abusive, but you actually sacrificed yourself to save your country. Well, almost sacrificed yourself. If I had known you were like that, I wouldn't have attempted to kill you."

"Hey, don't feel bad about it. It's because of you that I became the president of the United States. I mean, our relationship has been a little fucked, because I did slaughter all of your Deckers- but there was always more, for some reason- and brought you down to your knees as a gang leader, causing you to flee both Steelport and America and pussy out to go to England."

Boom. Me and Matt's history, in less than a paragraph. Or more.

"Thank you for the friendly reminder of how you changed my life and caused my relationship with my girlfriend to become long-distance." Matt muttered.

"How is your relationship, anyways?" I asked.

"With Clementine? I was supposed to see her after I was done at the White House, but it seems like I was a little too late for that." Matt had good humor. What girl would possibly stay with him that long and not dump or cheat on him?

"And how's the sex life?" I asked the almighty sky. There was a long pause.

"Clementine doesn't really do that. She's innocent, and we're waiting until marriage." Matt said. He seemed proud of it.

"Well you never know- she might be dead or something."

"They didn't kidnap everyone. Only a few thousand people. The rest of them were left on earth." He said, matter-of-factly. As if I'd fucking know, I was trapped in a fucking computer.

"So she could be alive, but I'd rather her dead."

"Why?" Matt asked. He sounded hurt, and slightly curious.

"Because she's gonna have kids with you someday, and that's a fate worse than death." I said.

"I love her." Matt said, as if that explained why she wasn't dead.