Personal Soldier (a Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

I'm done

Josie's POV

*a few days later*

It's been a few days since I had lost the baby and I couldn't be more upset. Not only because of the loss but because Nathan and I are drifting apart. I feel like I'm going to lose him. Everyday he's in the living room with a bottle of beer in his hands and at least a couple on the floor.

I know he's upset about the miscarriage but I am too, and I need him.

I can't stand watching him go out every night to the pub. Luckily he's not cheating. At least not that I know of. His clothes smell like himself and beer. Nathan is in the living room right now watching the game.

I have these thoughts...

They are bad. Evil.

Telling me to do things that I know I shouldn't. I need to tell someone but I can't! I want to tell Nathan but he might not even care!

That's what hurts. He might not give a fuck about me anymore. A tear slipped from my eye. Should I just do it?

I walked into the restroom and opened one of the cabinets. Advil. Tylenol. NyQuil. Sleeping pills. Ah perfect. I got out all three and looked at them.

Do it.

No! Don't! You need help

No you don't! He doesn't care! Do it!

My mind having a debate wether I end it or not. No. I can't. My mother would be so disappointed. She always said "don't run away from your problems, face them" that's what she would tell me if she was still here. Oh mommy? Why did you have to go? I need you

I heard a loud crash coming from the living room. I quicklyran to where the crash happened

"FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Nathan screamed.

My eyes wide of the shock. He's drunk. Again.

"N-Nath?" I asked gently

"WHAT?" he shouted looking furious. This isn't the time. No. Go Josie. I ran to get a broom and the dustpan. I picked up the broken glass of the beer bottle. Nathan huffed loudly and stormed out the flat. Fear and shock waving over me. This isn't the Nathan I know. But I still love him.

Tears pouring out my eyes. I looked at the broken piece of glass. I admired the sharpness but quickly threw it away.

This isn't me! This isn't life! I want to stop these sinister thought telling me to get the easy way out.

After I cleared up the floor from the broken bottle I went to clan up the living room. The fans know about the miscarriage, we haven't confirmed it but they have suspicions and my bump is now gone.

Everything is meant to be broken.

I went to bed as my eyes were really heavy and I haven't properly slept these past few days. I sighed before closing my eyes, the darkness taking over me.

Nathan's POV

Everything in my life is fucked up and that because I made it that way.

I stormed out and shouted at the person I love the most. The one that loves me. Maybe she no longer loves me.

Why would she?

I'm a drunk

I'm an absolute mess.

I went and bought another pack of beer at a near by store. I walked back to the flat with the 12 pack in my hand. I'm so fucked up right now.