Personal Soldier (a Nathan Sykes fanfiction)

The reason

Josie's POV

I removed the lids off every bottle and took out the pills from inside. I put them all in my hand.

I can't go yet. Not yet. I have to write why I did it.

I locked the bedroom door and got out a piece of paper and a pen

Nathan,

I love you so much that it hurts to know you don't feel the same way. I can't do it anymore. The hurt from losing the baby and now this. I know you think it's your fault why I lost the baby but its not. It was meant to happen and so was my death. I don't need any help anymore. It's too late for that. I made my mind. I want to go. I need to go. I want you to be happy once I leave, I want you to get another girlfriend and be happy with her. I want to see you smile. Live your life and don't forget me. I love you and always will. Xx

Justin,

I know you are mad at me because of the way I chose to just get the easy way out instead of facing my problems. But I can't do that Justin. I want you to know that even though we fight and we call each other names, I still love you. You are my brother, you were there for me when no one seemed to care. Sure you teased me about my problems but then you helped me with them and that's why I want to thank you. I hope you find a girlfriend with a great personality and that's pretty and then she dumps you! Just kidding, but I do hope you find a girl and that you make her happy and be happy.

Love you brother lots! Xx

Jay,

Jay! I'm going to miss you a lot! You've been like a brother to me. Take care of Maiken for me! And take care of the baby! I just want to tell you that this was meant to happen, I couldn't get any help. I'm ok now in heaven. If you are reading this when I'm dead then good but if I'm still alive then this is awkward. Please don't be the clumsy idiot that you are and drop the baby once it's born or I'll haunt your ass forever! Love you Jay and I wish you the best my bestie and the baby! Xx

Tom,

Thomas Anthony Parker! I'll miss you so much! I'm never going to forget those time when we went clubbing together and we got kicked out for dancing in the tables but it was hilarious! You are like a brother tommy, protective and supportive. I'm going to look over you when I'm up there. And take care of Kelsey! Tell her I'm going to miss her to and that I love her more than you do! ;) bye tommy, don't forget about me. Xx

Max,

MAXIE MAN! I'm going to miss your idiotic dad jokes. Now that I'm going to die, I guess it's safe to say that you're jokes suck more than a vacuum cleaner! We've had great memories and thank you for telling me all those embarrassing things about Nathan. I had a lot of fun messing around with you and the boys but now it all ends here. I know you are the emotional one in the band so I'm going to tell you to don't cry, I'm alright. I love you Max. Thank you for being there and being the dad of the band. Take care of my Nath and make sure he's happy and doesn't do anything stupid. If you dare do something to him, I'm going to haunt you till death! Love ya Max. Xx

Siva,

Well Siva what can I say? You're on your own now. Yep, no one to help you deal with the boys stupidity. I'm going to miss baking brownies with you. I'm going to be ok, don't worry. This is for the best. If you don't propose to Nareesha in less than a year then I'll wake from the dead and propose myself! Tell her I love her so much and thank you for helping me out with Ellie. Miss you two a lot. Bye Siva the diva. Xx

Maiken,

I'm sorry Maiken. I know you are upset because of what I did or what I'm doing but I want you to understand that this is what I want. I love you banana and I'm going to miss you so much! I remember all those times we talked about you marrying Jay and I marrying Nathan and who would've known we would have actually met them and be dating them?! Wow right? I hope you the best with Jay and the baby and if the baby is a girl you better name her after me! Take care of Nathan and make sure he's ok. Thank you Maiken for being my best friend and being there for me. Goodbye girly. Xx