Why I Have To

Chapter 12

September 2015

Jade's POV

Althea was right, she was indeed my first. My first in everything. And not the silly firsts like my first alcohol or cigarette... first kiss... first sex.

No. Nothing like that.

She was my first in everything that matters.

She's my first love.

My first joy.

My first pain.

The first, and the greatest.

But she got one thing wrong though. She said that all 'firsts' will eventually be followed by something else.

That first doesn't necessarily mean that it's the last.

She's wrong.

There's no one else after her.

I tried, but nothing compares with Althea.

I stared at the ceiling as I pondered about her promise. As I thought about it some more, I realized that just like all promises— this one's meant to be broken.

She did break it though.

Not intentionally. Never intentionally.

And even if she purposely broke it— I'd be happy. Actually, I would love it more if she doesn't know how to keep her promises.

Because if she did, maybe we would never happen. Maybe.

I grabbed the notebook as I recalled the first time she broke her promise. I still remember that day vary clearly. And as I browse through the pages... there it is.

That fateful day.

Our turning point.

Dated October 3rd, 2009. My 18th birthday.

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FLASHBACK

Jade's POV

"Dada, since Paul is nowhere in sight, I want Althea to be my last dance." I asked my father bravely. I sat down the chair opposite his office desk and stared him down.

I'm on a mission here.

"Ano hija? Ulitin mo nga sinabi mo?" I could see the veins on his neck starting to bulge and I mentally laughed to myself.

"You heard me, Dada. If Paul won't be here, I don't want my last dance to be with anyone else other than Althea." I said sternly.

"Are you out of your mind, Jade? Ano nalang sasabihin ng buong Chinese-Filipino community pag nakitang babae ang kasayaw mo! Sa iba mo nalang ilagay si Althea, sa 18 candles mo or sa 18 gifts." My father said, obviously trying to calm himself down.

"18 roses?" I asked menacingly.

"Ginagalit mo ba kong bata ka? No! Not after what Paul did! Hindi ko na ilalagay sa kahihiyan ang pamilya na ito. Alam kong mag kaibigan kayo ni Althea pero hindi ko hahayaan na mag-isip ng iba ang mga tao." I smirked as his face started to redden.

He'll shit bricks. I knew it.

"Alam ko itong ginagawa mo, Jade. Sinasadya mo ito dahil alam kong galit ka parin sakin dahil sa nangyari kay Paul. But no, I won't tolerate this nonsense. Ako ang padre de pamilya dito at ako parin ang masusunod! Now get out of here kung ayaw mong magaya sa kapatid mo." The anger in his voice is so palpable that I had no choice but to retreat.

I honestly came up here with the initial plan of pissing off my father— just because. I still can't forgive him for what he did to Paul. But now, I feel disappointed. Like a kid who didn't get what she wished for from Santa.