Why I Have To

Chapter 30

September 2015

Jade's POV

I closed the journal and fixed myself. I retouched the mascara that has already ran down my face, and reapplied my smudged lipstick.

There, I look better.

I went out of my car and headed towards the elevator— my one way ticket to heaven or hell. The fear that was running through my bloodstream earlier was replaced with sheer determination. My mind is already set and I'm gonna do this whatever the outcome may be.

I knocked on the door and waited until my father lets me in, and when his secretary opened the door, I immediately made a beeline towards his desk.

I cannot prolong this any second longer— it has to be done.

"Jade, anong ginagawa mo dito?" asked my father while rubbing his temples.

I had to do this quick— like ripping off a band aid, I said, "Dada, I'm sorry but I can't marry David."

His eyes flickered, but instead of anger, I saw defeat. "Of course you can't marry him, not after what he did!"

"Alam mo na?" I asked, surprised that the news already reached him.

"Oo! Usap usapan na yan sa buong Chinese-Filipino community! He's so stupid for getting that Filipina pregnant! Nakakahiya! Hindi nag-iisip! Hindi 'yan worthy sa pangalan natin," he said furiously. My father has aged a lot since the last time I've been here. The wrinkles on his forehead deepened, his cheeks— a bit hollow, and his eyes are sunken. The stress that he's been through for the past few years has finally taken its toll on him. He is mostly to blame, but I can't help but feel sorry for my father.

"Don't get mad at him, he really loves her. And besides, he only agreed to this marriage thing to protect Wila, and I only agreed to this to earn back your trust," I admitted honestly.

After we broke up, I have nowhere to go. Cathleen offered to take me in but I have to be realistic here, I needed my family that time more than ever. And to be honest with myself, I can't stand to live in the same building with Althea.

I went back to the mansion a couple of days after that, everyone was glad to see me back, except my father who was apprehensive at first but eventually warmed up when I agreed to marrying David.

"Alam ko. Sa tingin mo ba di ko 'yan alam? I can smell the insincerity of your relationship from miles away—" he paused as he took a drag from his e-cigarette. "Hindi mo kasalanan ang nangyari kaya't si David ang mananagot dito, kaya hija, bakit ka ba nandito?"

I took a deep breath and said, "before I do anything, I just want to make sure that nobody else is holding me back this time, I want to do this and not worry about all the consequences that comes with it. I am not asking for your permission because I'm gonna do this whether you allow me to or not, but I'm saying this out of respect... Dada, I'm gonna find her."

His face reddened and he avoided my gaze as he took another drag. "Ahh... Althea..." he said. I waited for a continuation but he didn't say anything, he just continued smoking.

"That's all you're gonna say? No shouting? No disowning?" I challenged him.

"Jade... Bakit? After all that you've been through? Siya parin?" he said with genuine concern in his eyes.

That's surprising.

I can't help but cry. For the first time in years since he disowned me for choosing her, I finally felt like I have a father who will listen to me.

"It's always been her, Dada."

He nodded.

"Why are you not mad?" I added.