Why I Have To

Chapter 13

October 27, 2009

It's been weeks since Jade and I last spoke.

Yes, we still live under the same roof but we avoided each other like the plague. It's not like she could stay home without her parents questioning her why, so she stayed here with me. For convenience and so as not to raise questions.

We tiptoed around each other in the condo. We seldom acknowledge each other's presence unless it has something to do with the dishes or the dirty laundry.

Oftentimes I would leave the unit earlier than I'm supposed to so that I could avoid her during breakfast. Jade eats her breakfast and savors her coffee really slow and I don't want to endure those long minutes of awkward silence.

I see to it that I leave the house before she even wakes up and she makes sure to come home when I'm asleep.

But I'm never asleep. I could never sleep until I'm sure that she came home safe. I always wait for her—as long as it takes.

Every day I come home after my rehearsals, a plate of hot food awaits me in the dining area but no Jade in sight.

I guess this is how we take care of each other now—she makes sure that I get to eat my dinner, and I make sure she gets home safe.

I don't know exactly where she goes at night, but I have a hint. I overheard her on the phone chatting animatedly with someone. From what I've gathered, it seems like this person is in one of her classes and coincidentally lives on the same building as ours.

I don't know what she does there. It's none of my business. But I'm relieved that she doesn't go that far just to avoid me. Her safety is still my top priority.

What happened during her birthday still hurts. It still hurts like hell. I don't know what came over me that time when I told her I love her. All I know is that I somehow felt that at that moment, she felt the same way.

But I was wrong.

She didn't even bother to call me that weekend. And by Monday, as she arrives here, she acted like she barely knew me.

She obviously tried to ignore my presence. But sometimes I catch her looking at me, and she would look away immediately.

My pride and ego has been so bruised that's why I didn't try to talk to her. Why should I, right? After leaving me there with no explanations, she doesn't deserve anything from me. I owe her nothing.

Or that's what I tell myself.

I waited and waited for that day when she would finally talk to me. But she never did.

So I let her be.

And as hard as I could, I tried to let go of my feelings for her.

Emphasis on 'tried.'

Because I tried and failed so hard.

I fell asleep on the couch as I waited for her to come home when a gentle rapping at our door woke me up.

I turned the knob and was surprised to see Paul and Jade grinning at the door.

"Found him." Jade said smugly as she and Paul entered the unit.

"Asa ka naman, Shobe. Tinext lang kita at sinabi kung saan mo ko pupuntahan 'no. Wag ka diyan mayabang." Paul said as he gave me a brotherly hug.

"I missed you, Althea. Kamusta?" He added as he settled himself on the couch. Jade went straight to the kitchen to get some refreshments.

"Mainam, ikaw kamusta?" I simply replied and sat next to him.

"I'm good. Masaya ako ngayon. Kayo? Inaalagaan mo ba ang kapatid ko nung wala ako?" He asked with a knowing smile.