Why I Have To

Chapter 26

December 24, 2011

As the holiday approaches, Jade has become more and more somber. Her nights spent locked in the bathroom became longer, and what used to be 10 minutes now turned into an hour of crying.

I couldn't just barge in to comfort her. If she wanted to, she would've cried in front of me. But she didn't. I know she wants her privacy, so I'm giving it to her— I'll be right here waiting for her once she's ready.

That's her only time to be honest with herself, I wouldn't take that away from her.

Even though she tries to hide it, and even though she's sincerely happy when we're together, I could tell that the holiday season is really taking its toll on her because this will be the first Christmas that she won't be spending with her family.

I want to make her happy, and I try and try to do everything I can to make her feel that. I try to make her feel comfortable, to give her the life she used to have, but somehow, I think that it's never enough— that I'll never be enough. So I try harder.

I know how much she loves me, that much is true. But is it enough to make her stay?

The thought alone scares me too much that I can barely breathe just by thinking about it.

I'm too damn scared to lose her that I'm starting to lose myself in the process.

Jade told to not spend a huge amount of money on her this Christmas. She knows that I will so before I even plan of doing so, she made me promise not to.

I've been racking my brain for ideas to make this Christmas special for her. I can't stand to look at her sad eyes anymore that I sometimes think of sending her back home to her family just to put an end to her suffering.

But I can't. And I won't. Not unless she asked me to.

I came up with a plan a few weeks ago. It was grueling and completely embarrassing, but I had to do it because I know that this would make her really happy.

I called her Ahya Gab and asked for help to execute my plan. We spent hours on the phone and sometimes we would see each other for lunch when Jade is at work to plan for it and to make sure that their father would never find out about it. That's the hardest part— hiding it from her father.

In the end we came up with a promising plan. Gab would set up an emergency meeting in the office on the 24th so that their father would be out of their hair for even just a few hours. I don't know how he did it, but he made sure that all of the important papers that their father needs would be released on that day so that he will have no choice but to go to the office on Christmas Eve.

Since our house is near theirs and it would be easier for them to come, my plan is to bring her family over for lunch so that Jade could spend at least a few hours with them before Christmas. Her mom, Ama, Paul, Gab, my father and even our friends would be there.

Her father is the only missing piece, but I thought that the presence of the rest of us would at least suffice.

Her mom was apprehensive at first because she's afraid of her husband, so I begged and called her nonstop and eventually, her longing for her daughter won.

Jade was wearing a light coral dress with a big smile on her face as I lead her to our door— thinking that we're just having a normal lunch with my father.

"Suprise!" everybody said as we walked through the door.

Jade's face was priceless. She was laughing and crying and everything else in between. She was happy crying and it was the only time that I ever enjoyed seeing her cry.