Why I Have To

Chapter 14

November 13, 2009

The days went by and Jade & I went back to our usual old self.

We have breakfast together, do dishes, get laundry from the dry cleaners, buy groceries, and all the boring stuff we used to do before we had a falling out came back like nothing happened.

Except dinner.

At exactly 8 o'clock every night, Cathleen would come knocking at our door with some fancy organic stuff she cooked in one hand and an obscure foreign film on the other. The three of us would eat it together and watch the movie afterwards. The two of them will gush about the main actors or reenact the crazy scenes, while I will just quietly sit in the corner, just enjoying their silliness.

Cathleen became an addition to our dynamic duo.  It all started when she came by one night, with Jade's laptop in hand, and ever since then she always comes by. Which I think is good, because now Jade doesn't have to come over her place as often as before.

At first I was a bit awkward with Cathleen around, given our history. Scratch that— my history. But since she's still the Cathleen I used to know, she never mentioned it, let alone give a hint that she remembers it for which I am truly grateful. Or probably because we never had a chance to talk about it since Jade's always around.

That's another weird addition— Jade. Jade became unusually weird and perky every time Cathleen's around.  

She became extra clingy and touchy, always wrapping her body in my arms as we watch the movie. Sometimes snaking her hands on my waist, kissing or pinching my cheeks as I do the dishes, earning us weird looks from Cathleen.

I don't know exactly what she's trying to do, but I let her because that's the only time I could have her body close to mine.

As much as I love her being perky and clingy, everything comes with a price. She became moody. A few hours of clinginess compares nothing to a night long of silence.

I noticed a pattern to her mood swings. As soon as Cathleen and I talk about the people we used to know, or reminisce about all the fun things we used to do, she would shut her perky little mouth and sulk in the corner— looking bored or reading a book.

Sometimes I would ask her what's wrong, and she would just snap at me, so I stopped asking. She would give me the silent treatment all night, and as morning comes, she's back to her old self. As if sleep completely rid her of her unpleasant mood.

The three of us are currently on my tiny little bed, our backs against the wall. Cathleen was on her laptop, watching another Skins episode for the nth time. Jade was pressed against my side while studying, while I was sipping this 'free-range and fair-trade and shade-farmed coffee from Malawi' that Cathleen procured. Whatever that means.

I felt Jade's weight on my shoulder get heavier, which means that she's probably asleep. I placed my mug on the breakfast tray that Cathleen is using to hold her laptop and adjusted my arms so that Jade could sleep more comfortably. I took the book from her lap and wrapped my arms around her.

Thank god she fell asleep before she had any of her mood swings.

"Remember those days?" I heard Cathleen speak as she pointed to the scene of teenagers partying.

"Yeah. Good times." I smiled.

"We used to have so much fun."

Cathleen and I used to go way back in high school. Her parents just divorced while I was coping with my mother's death and was having some sort of identity crisis.

We didn't exactly become best of friends, though. But we were close. Cathleen is a free-spirit, confident and enigmatic— that's why all the boys were drawn to her, even me.

Our friends usually held our parties at Cathleen's house because her dad is with his new family in France while her mom is too drunk to actually care. I always come because I know that she will be there.

We were close in the sense that we were partners in crime. As soon as the alcohol kicks in and everybody else is too dumb or too horny to care, I'm only person left sane enough to actually join her plan her devious crimes.

It was nothing serious though. Just stupid things that teenagers do, like egging a car, turning the pool red, toilet papering someone's house— just juvenile stuff. But the rush it gave us was exhilarating. It was our little escape from reality.

I developed a massive crush on her. Who wouldn't right? She was so fun and exciting to be around with. Although we don't talk much about personal stuff, there was never a dull moment between us.

And one drunken night, Batchi dared her to kiss me. Because Batchi is Batchi, and she knows how much I liked Cathleen. So she kissed me. Long and hard with our lips slightly open. Panting.

A few days after that, I saw her hand in hand with a guy I've never seen before.

Her new beau.

She finally found someone new to drag around during her drunken escapades. She doesn't need me now.

We stopped hanging out after that.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard her mutter, "Can we start over again?"

"Of course," I replied.

With hopeful eyes she said, "Can we go out tomorrow then? Just the two of us. You know, to make up for lost time."

"I'd love to."

We sat there in silence as she continues to watch, a few minutes after she told me that she has to leave and that we'll see each other tomorrow.

I stood up and walked her through the door so that I could lock it as she leaves.

I went back to the room, surprised to see Jade awake— sitting up while clutching a pillow. A sad look on her face.

"Hey, sleepyhead, you're awake," I cooed as I removed the things from my bed.

"Althea, can I sleep here with you tonight?" she asked like a little girl.

"Why?" I wondered.

"Wala lang, gusto lang kita makatabi."

"Okay." I crawled up to the other side of the bed as she laid down. I covered her with blanket and faced the wall.

I was beginning to doze off when I felt her body move.

"Althea?" she whispered.

"What?" I grunted.

I felt her body press against my back as she snaked her arms around my waist.

"Dito ka lang.... Good night," she said as she planted a soft and tender kiss at the back of my ear.

What the hell was that?

A few moments after, I hear breath get deep and even.

She's asleep.

And I'm not. I am so wide awake. How could I sleep after that? How could anybody sleep after that?

***

I opened my eyes the next morning to your beautiful face and your heavy arms still wrapped around me.

You clutched my waist so tightly all night long, and not once did you let go, Jade.

Not once.

And that is why I have to let you go.

Love,
Althea

Author's note: Filler chapter. I know and I'm sorry. I just felt that a filler is needed. I'll make it up to you, guys. I am also starting to get impatient with Jade. Hahaha!