Why I Have To

Chapter 19

August 15, 2010

The only time that Jade feels it's safe for us to be seen together in public is when we are with our friends, but I honestly don't feel that it counts since none of our friends know about us. It is indeed very tiring to have to be careful all the time. Sometimes, instead of going out with them, we'd prefer to stay in so that we won't have to pretend.

Except tonight.

I landed a gig at the pub near campus that Cathleen and Jade frequents. Thanks to Jade's brilliant idea of posting my singing videos online, I became an instant celebrity in campus. Sort of. People now know who I am because the videos went viral among our peers. My pseudo-fame is also the reason why Jade has been extra cautious— because people are now curious about my life.

The whole gang came up here to support me on my first gig— Batchi, Abby, Wila, David, Cathleen, Jade, and even Sally. Jade was really happy to be reunited with her best friend who came back for a vacation a few days ago.

After my set was done, we decided to have a few more drinks in celebration of my first gig and Sally's homecoming— as if we needed a reason to drink.

The rest of the gang were busy playing pool so I was left with Jade and Sally at the corner booth.

"Asan ba si Paul? Pupunta ba yun?" Sally asked Jade as she poured herself another glass of beer.

"Oo, dadaan daw siya pero saglit lang. Alam mo na, he's still on the run."

"If I were you Jade matagal ko ng sinumbong kung nasan si Paul. Bakit kasi hindi mo nalang sabihin sa family mo kung nasan si Paul para matapos na problema niyo?" asked Sally.

"It's not that easy, Sally. You know that my brother is gay, hinding hindi yun matatanggap sa pamilyang gaya ng sa atin. Alam mo naman 'yan diba, kaya mas mabuting wag nalang siya umuwi muna" explained Jade.

Sally gave Jade a disapproving look and said, "he could try to be straight for your family, right? Mas gugustuhin niya pa atang magpakabading and maghirap kesa mag stay sa inyo eh. I don't get it."

"You can't force people to be straight, Sally," she said coldly and rolled her eyes.

I could sense that Jade is starting to get pissed off so I calmed her down by rubbing smooth circles at the back of her hand. Under the table, of course. I like Sally, but I think that sometimes she's too naive or too blinded by their family's archaic beliefs.

I don't want to hear whatever it is that Sally will say, so I leaned my head closer to Jade's and whispered, "I'll be at the fire exit, meet me in a while." I signaled Sally that I'm heading out to smoke and walked away.

It's dark and hot out here but it's better than the noise inside the pub and it is indeed much better than listening to Sally.

I sat on the railing and waited for the love of my life.

I was fiddling with my lighter when Jade came in a few minutes after.

"There you are, lablab," she said as she slithered her arms around my waist. "I missed you," she whispered.

I hugged her back and traced soft kisses around her face, making her giggle. "I missed you, too."

"I thought you were headed out to smoke?" she asked while nuzzling her head on my neck.

"I quit."

"Since when?"

"Since now."

"Why?"

"Because I wanna live a longer life with you."

She gazed back at me, smiling, and said, "Lablab naman eh, hanggang ngayon pakilig ka pa rin."