Unmistakable Love

Chapter 2-Flirt

The next day at work was kind of awkward. I finished early, as usual. But today Oliv-Mr. Queen came down to the I.T. department to check on me. Since I was done, I had to explain why I wasnt doing my work. I felt so uneasy that he knew my secret now. It was only a matter of time before he thought my addiction would get too far. I counted to ten, which I do in my head frequently, and sometimes out loud if I really need to.

I decided to stick around for longer than everyone else.

I feel safe here, and for some reason I have an attachment to it.

But once again, I couldnt get that video out of my head. I had it memorized by now, and lately its been playing in my head over and over and over. I felt the strongest urge to take my pill for relief.

I was so proud at myself for a good 10 minutes when I held back the urge, but then for the 5th time, the ending of the suicide note video hit me. It was the worst part, and I could feel my throat starting to clench up and a tear had already escaped my eye.

The hallways and rooms were starting to empty, thank god. I tried to make it look casual as I sped walked to the bathroom when someone bumped into me.

I kept my head down, seeing the fancy shoes and bottom half of his suit. I knew instantly that it was Oliver. I tried to turn away before he tried to talk to me. But I felt a tight grip around my shoulders and a small jerk. Before I knew it I was pulled into the nearest empty office. I felt his hands release me and I heard the blinds being shut. I kept my head down and wiped my cheeks quickly before he turned around.

My heart was aching and nearly beating out of my chest. I felt another wave of grief and guilt as he used his finger to tilt my face up to look at his. I didn't meet his eyes, instead I tried my best to steadily look behind him, which failed. He didn't say anything, or remove his finger, until I looked at him.
When I finally did, he must've realized how badly I really needed a friend and someone to help me.

But then I watched his facial expression harden.

I wondered why his expression hardened. Was he mad? Did he remember something? Maybe he wondered why my mother killed herself. Im betting it was the last one.

Within a few moments his facial expression noticeably softened.

Cant he just make up his mind like cmon.

But then we were awkwardly staring into each others eyes, as if we were a couple.

He used to be the biggest playboy there was, so my first thought was something romantic or sexual. But then I remembered that he had changed. He hadn't been with anyone for well over a year.

My mind flashed back to reality, and I noticed how hard he was trying to read me. My chest was filled with so much anxiety that I had to squeeze my eyes shut for a few seconds.

I felt another hot tear roll down my face, being forced down by more and more tears. I lowered my face again, turning away slightly, taking off my glasses and wiping my cheeks. I kept them in my hands, not bothering to put them back on.

I rubbed my forehead and pinched the highest point of my right eyebrow, something I do when I get overwhelmed.

I know it sounds stupid, but it makes me feel better. It feels almost as if some of the grief is spilling out when I pinch my eyebrow. I know how stupid it sounds but I guess its part of my ocd—which yes, I do have. And I wouldnt ever make a joke about it like 90% of the population. It bugs me to no end when people want their desk to be clean or something (like most people do, I mean who wants a messy desk?) and they'll joke about how "ocd" they are like no you're not obsessive compulsive disorder that doesn't even make sense. Its an actual disorder, not something to joke about.