Primal Impulse (COMPLETED!)

10. Closer

I laid in the bed looking at the ceiling.  Tomorrow was my meeting with Kohle and I felt slightly nervous.  I wanted to impress him, but mostly I didn't want this to be some sort of setup to pull me under and bankrupt me.  I needed a distraction and waited for Stacy to come out of the bathroom. 

I had adjusted to her being so close now, and we had worked our schedules where she rarely saw me.  I know she did it on purpose, so I took time out today to catch her.  She walked out of the bathroom and noticed me laying on my bed, my hands behind my head.  I didn't have to look at her to know her heart had picked up and she had spotted me.  I glanced over and saw her face glow pink slightly as she kept her head down to walk to her room.

"You can just keep your dirty clothes with mine, you take them both to the wash at the same time anyway."  I noticed today she had remembered to bring her night clothes with her to the bathroom.  I bet she didn't want to be seen in a towel around me.  She turned around and obliged, placing her clothes in the hamper in the bathroom that I rarely used. 

When she came back out, I spoke to her again.  "Sleep in my bed tonight Stacy.  I need some company."  Her heart thundered in her chest and it was a drum beat in my ears.  She walked around to the other side of the bed and placed herself on the edge, far away with her back to me.

"Stac, don't be like that.  I just want to talk.  You don't have to look at me, but don't shun me like you are."

She rolled onto her back and tucked the blankets tight against her, like an impenetrable shield.

"Do you miss Ruth being your master?"

"Sometimes."  She sighed out.

"Why?  Wasn't she mean to you?"

I watched her on my side as she looked up at the ceiling. 

"Sometimes, but I knew what to expect, and as long as I didn't get in her way, didn't bother her, she wouldn't mess with me."

"I miss Ruth sometimes too, but then I remember what a manipulative bitch she was and I get over it.  Have you always been here?"

"Yes, I was born here."

"Do you want kids one day Stac?  I did, when I was human and now there is no chance for me.  Raising a child and teaching an adult are two different things."

"It is, but I could never bring a child into this world.  It's too hard and I would be punishing the both of us."

"It is hard, and I feel for Dan.  I remember the day I was sold to Ruth, and I remember my Mother, the sounds of her screaming for me.  Do you think that is why I am nice sometimes, because I haven't forgotten what it was like to be human yet?"

Stacy turned and looked at me, examining me up and down my face, judging me and my character.  "I hope not, but I have yet to see you cruel to anyone but me."

I chuckled at her.  "I am not mean to you."

She looked away and up at the ceiling again.  "You are.  You do things on purpose to get a reaction from me.  Some things you do, hurt me and you don't even realize."  Her voice got quiet and hurt and my brows furrowed. 

She was right, I did do things to get a rise out of her, and I know it bothered her, but I know sometimes she liked that I payed that much attention to her.  But I never once did anything to cause her pain, only embarrassment.  "What have I done that has hurt you?"

Her eyes closed tightly shut and a silent tear ran down the side of her face.  "I don't want to stay in that room."

Silence pursued for a moment while I thought about how I selfishly placed her close to me.  It made complete sense that Ruth had tortured her in there.  She probably had nightmares every night and waking up to the very distinct color of those walls didn't help either.  But I couldn't let her go back to her old room.  I had gotten used to the idea that she was just a wall away.  Used to listening to her heart beat lulling me to sleep at night.  Her even breaths whispering in my ear.

I viewed her profile while she kept her eyes shut, her body still.  I wanted to apologize so badly to her, but knew I couldn't.  The power I was supposed to portray doesn't apologize.

"You are more than welcome to sleep in my bed, or on the couch in the greeting room."  I know those weren't the words she wanted to hear.  She wanted to hear me tell her she could have her old room back.  That she could leave me and return to her old routine. 

She pulled the blankets closer to her and nodded.  I watched as she fell asleep, thinking about how this was the most I had every talked to her.  She was a very shy girl and I wondered if she had any friends who spent time with her.  I was a little jealous of that thought, but didn't think she did.  There were no other maids in this wing, Ruth liked her privacy and I had grown to like it too.  The only chance she got to see another human was during meals, and by her thin body, I didn't think she got more than two a day