Primal Impulse (COMPLETED!)

19. Image.

The ride home is uneventful for most, for me it was a tug of war in my body.  I let my thirst be rilled up and haven't done anything to settle it down.  I should have had a drink at the club, but I didn't and now I'm in the back seat with a striking little human, her neck open to me as she stared out the window.

"You're really good with Kyle."

Those words, the ones from her mouth knocked me down a few pegs.  Threw me off my current course of thought.  I pulled at the knees of my pants, giving myself a little slack as she continued to talk.

"I can see why he likes you.  You would have made a very good father."

My thirst is there, it's just more manageable.  I don't feel like I'm about to attack like a barn swallow when you get too close to the nest.  Dive dive dive for the neck!

I really don't know what to say back to her.  "I like him too.  He's a good kid."

"Do you ever miss it?  Your childhood?"

I sighed, this was not what I had on my mind a few minutes ago, but was the best thing for her.  A change in subject to keep her safe, keep my mind off of other things, like how delicate her neck was, and how the cream of her skin was begging to be touched, to be tainted with red. 

"I miss staying with my Mom and m- Elex.  But in this world, your childhood is over the moment you are born.  None of us are sparred our inocence.  We know what torture is like, what blood is, what a beating is by the age of 6 and we know what rape is by the age of 9.  By 11 or 12 we have reached the average half life and if we reach 30 we are considered old.  I never wanted this world for me, but I'm damn proud of where I am, what I've done, and I know my parents are proud too."

Stacy looked down and watched her finger play with the hem of her dress, the tip of it peeking through the lace.  "Do you consider Elex your father?  Now that your mother is changed and they are together?"

I wondered how she had heard all of this, but assumed she had just ease dropped from one of the many conversations I had with Ruth in front of her.  "It's hard not to.  He was the only constant male in my life when I was little.  He loved my Mom then, and I .... never mind."

Stacy ignored my little stalling and continued on with her sting of questioning, now becoming more interested and her meekness slipping away as she caught my gaze.  "Is it not weird that he was once your master and now you consider him a friend?"

I began to wonder where she was going with this.  Surely she was not thinking similar thoughts about me?  I pulled the memory of us holding hands, mine squeezing hers to keep my humanity at the front.  She hadn't squeezed back, in fact she had barely held my own, her fingertips never meeting the back of my hand. 

"Not at all.  Richard was once over me, and now he isn't.  It is much harder to distance yourself from someone, than it is to get closer.  That's why I am having such a hard time right now.  All the people I know, knew me as a human and that's how they are used to treating me.  I have to show I have changed and force it on them to treat me as what I am.  Doing shit like how I did for Dan and Kyle doesn't help my image either."

She looked away from me, lost in her own thoughts and for once I wished I could read minds.  I watched her for a few moments longer before returning to my own.  I replayed our conversation over in my head, trying to read more into it then what I should have.  Eventually I let the whole thing slip from my mind until we reached the mansion.

I know Richard had listened to the whole conversation, but he understood me better than anyone.  He had been there since the very beginning of my stay.  He might not have known the details about how Elex and I interact, but he knew how hard the transition from human to vampire was on me.

All of a sudden I had to develop this I'm better than you attitude.  I also had let my viciousness show after years of training to keep it down.  I had learned great deals of patience, and now I needed to be some what short tempered.  Everything I had trained myself to keep hidden over the years needed to come out so I wouldn't be seen as weak.

My father's blood had saved me, but my own was pulling me back down.

I really want to get passed all of the boring parts and get on to the good juicy stuff, not that this chapter was boring.  It provided insight and the tip of the iceburg on the struggle Stoic feels everyday.

So I might start doing double updates, or updating randomly on top of tuesdays and fridays until I get us where it gets good, then slow down.