Behind The Computer

10

Goth

Is it bad to be goth? I mean, I'm sure it's not but I was just talking to my dad about how I was going to go eat in the dinning room alone and he was like, "She's going to be goth, I can see it" and stuff like that. It was funny in the moment but looking back at his key word just makes me question my social life. Oh yeah, he also said I want to be an outsider, which actually may be true.

Remember how I said I love the movie, The Perks Of Being A Wallflower? Well, this is what  was talking about. A lot of times, I feel like an outsider. And sometimes, I know it's okay because I can think about things that actually matter, in my opinion. But other times, I feel so alone. I know there are a lot of people who feel alone or like an outsider too but when those outsiders aren't joining together, you just feel alone. You feel like you don't belong or you were sent to the wrong place. Even though I have a really energetic and friendly personality, inside, I feel alone.

I remember how I once went to a school dance with my cousin. Let me just tell you, that freakin' sucked. I was sitting in a chair against the wall in the gymnasium for like two hours with like 53% on my phone which was quickly decreasing from being on it so much. My cousin was dancing around with her friends and I was really happy that she was enjoying herself. She and a few of her other friends were even trying to get me to dance with them. Fortunately, I refused. And there's a reason for that; it's the type of dancing they do that makes me a little uneasy. But nevermind their dancing. That dance made feel so awkward. I was so alone that I was kind of "flirting" with a guy who just so happened to be gay. He's now a close friend of mine though.

Sometimes, I don't even know why I bother on trying to fit in. It's not like I'm going to gain anything; if anything, I'd lose myself.

Pure pressure. Jesus, meet the devil.

I'm so sorry for putting that in my book. Get the Bible.

But anyways, I'm not about to get real deep into pure pressure but just know that pure pressure is a bitch so don't let it beat you. Be yourself, there is no one better (I know I just stole that from Taylor Swift). And it's okay if you're an outsider but in case you don't want to be one, talk to people, make some friends.