Behind The Computer

19

My head, my heart, my brain

Can I vent for this chapter? Can you all just let me vent? That would really help. Talking to people would probably be better but I don't really have anyone to talk to since I have like...zero friends. I'm not lonely or weird (actually, I am weird but in a good way).

So my brain hurts because my teachers are giving me a bunch of homework, they messed up my grades by trying to move me to another class, I have a major project coming up that I'm behind on, I have an assignment that I wasn't able to turn in yet because I was absent the day it was due so I'm behind on that too. I am so busy in terms of school right now. It's stressful.

Then you add me being too nice to everyone. Now I know I said I can't be too nice in certain situations but I have been recently because I am constantly putting other people before myself.  have to learn how not to do that and that's going to take a while.

Then you pile my emotional state on top of that. I have mixed feelings about my breakup and other people are making things a lot more stressful and frustrating then they need to be. Sometimes I wonder if they actually think about what they're doing. But it doesn't matter.

Then add my head hurting. Okay, it's not actually hurting but not getting a lot of sleep will come back and bite me in the butt in the future.

I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm happy. I'm excited. And surprised. And frustrated, and stressed and tired. Basically, if you asked how I'm feeling, I'd say all of the above.

Yesterday, I was talking to one of my two closest friends and I was telling her about how I'm so sick of this whole thing that I'm doing. I'm tired of it and just want to be done. I want to leave all of these people making my life harder. I'm a very young person and I still have a lot to look forward to. I don't want to waste my time worrying about things I shouldn't be worrying about yet. She's so nice; she was telling me that it was going to be okay and that we'll make it through together and that she understands how I feel. I continuously told her how I feel like I'm breaking, which I do. I feel like I'm being tossed around and worn out. It's a depressing feeling and I don't like it at all.

I kind of don't know what to do but I'm probably just going to ignore feelings and work until the end. I can't wait until this ends.