BLUSH

Diary Entry #4

Blush!

It's been three days.

Three days since I went out on a "date" with Jim. Or so is the way he calls it.

Three days since I last talked to Raymond.

Well, actually, it is the other way around.

Three days since he last talked to me.

Yes.

He's not replying to my texts. He is ignoring my calls. He doesn't attend the classed that we have together. He doesn't sit with us in lunch. And whenever I see him, he's with Abigail. I try to talk to him and all I get is a wave of hand and a "Later."

Only, his 'later' never comes.

I don't know what is wrong with him. Why is he mad at me?

Because I went out with Jim even after he told me he didn't like the guy?

That's rubbish, if you ask me.

What's bothering me even more is when did I start giving a shit about who talks to me and who doesn't?

I mean, I wasn't like this before. I used to be carefree. I lived in my own world. And I liked it.

But then came Raymond.

And I let him enter into my world. I give him that little – okay maybe not little. I give him a 'big' space inside.

We're happy, getting along well. Smooth.

And then out of the blue he leaves.

And pretends like he never existed.

Isn't that cruel?

Well, maybe that is how it's supposed to be. Life, I mean.

Enough talking about Raymond.

Dad called me last night to ask if I was doing fine. Even Mom came to my room the other day and she brushed my hair and said that I'd grown to be a big girl and that she remembered how I was a baby and she had to carry me everywhere.

It's exhausting Blush. To pretend.

I don't see a reason for them to go all caring on me now.

Why now?

When I have built up these walls around me.

When I have shielded myself of all the fake emotions out there.

When I have become prone to not being cared.

When I have become used to being ignored.

When I have turned myself into a heartless person.

Blush I don't know what to do.

But I'll figure it out. Like I always do.

Love,

Ashley S.