Truly, Madly, Deeply: A Dark Louis Tomlinson Fan Fiction

Chapter 18: What Makes You Beautiful (Part 2)

A/N

OHMYGOSH!!! When I woke up this morning I had 4,000 reads, I honestly would never have expected in a million years that that would happen so quickly!!! You guys are amazing! Here's a much deserved update for you all, Part 2 of Chapter 18 <3 xoxo

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In Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, there’s a line that reads “You care. Sometimes you care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”  Never had truer words ever been spoken, I thought to myself as I gazed out the window at the setting sun, Niall’s words reverberating in my mind.

“You’re just a selfish bitch who’s never cared about anyone besides themselves.”

It was hard not to believe deep down inside that he was right. But on the other hand, if I didn’t care, how come I felt as if I was being suffocated by my own emotions? How come I wasn’t even angry with Niall for what had happened today, yesterday, all those years ago? The truth was, I did care. I cared about him more than anything. I hated him so, so, much, but caring about him was innate. He was a part of me without which i’d be unable to live, even though I wanted nothing more then to have it cut away for good.

Louis had said yesterday that people stayed stuck in the past because it was all they knew. Is that why I felt as if I had to keep the frayed ropes holding together my relationship with Niall intact? Because he was all I knew, whilst Louis was just some great unknown I was afraid stepping into completely? Unfortunately, I thought with a sigh, it seemed as if there was nothing I could do that wouldn’t give me more questions than answers. 

I looked at the clock on my bedside table. It said that it was 7:30, one hour until the gig. I didn’t really want to go, but I had promised Louis, and he was pretty much all I had left in this world. Without much enthusiasm, I straightened my hair and slipped into a pair of black skinny jeans, suede round toe pumps and my favorite blue quilted leather Balmain motorcycle jacket. Luckily the weather had just started to become colder and I had the perfect excuse for the gray infinity scarf tied around my neck, hiding the mark Niall had left on my skin. Although I couldn’t see it, just knowing it was there made me feel like a dirty cheater, even though I hadn’t done anything wrong.

I dropped my car keys and phone into one of my jacket’s pockets and wandered downstairs. “I’m going out!” I called to my parents, who were in their separate offices doing work. Neither of them replied so I assumed they either didn’t care or were to immersed in case files and event planning to care.

I drove towards Miami Beach, blasting the radio and singing along. Usually driving around listening to music was my favorite thing to do when I was stressed, but tonight I was too nervous about seeing Niall to care. He was so volatile lately I had no idea what he would say or do, and the last thing I wanted was him letting anything slip to Louis about today or yesterday. In all the drama, I had also forgotten that Eleanor was seemingly up to something, even though I had no idea what it was. All in all, the entire situation was making it difficult for me to function.

When I got to Beachcombers, I parked and stopped at the entrance to the bar to get an under 21 stamp from the bouncer before going inside. The place was packed with people that I recognized from school, and that unfortunately meant that there was nowhere to sit. I sighed, wishing that I had worn more comfortable shoes since I was most likely going to spend the night standing.