Truly, Madly, Deeply: A Dark Louis Tomlinson Fan Fiction

Chapter 36: Louis

If I could have just one wish in the world, absolutely anything, it would be that wasn't so in love with Stella Parker that just the sheer enormity of it caused me physical pain. I would wish that I could hate her, that I could just move onto the next boring, insecure girl who was willing to fuck me without giving it a second thought. But wishes were for naive idiots who had never faced the harshness of reality.

I felt as if my insides had been ripped from my stomach, that's how heartbroken I was. I wanted to die, I really did. If this is how Stella had felt the first time that stupid fuck Horan had left her I don't understand how she could possibly even comprehend inflicting this torture on her worst enemy, much less someone she supposedly loved. I had never felt so angry, so alone, so betrayed, not since Josh died.

I could barely remember exactly what happened last night. I can recall Liam driving me home, Harry trying his hardest to calm me down, but it was no use. While Niall Horan was still breathing, there was no calming me down. I wouldn't rest until he was lying six feet under, and that was a promise. My mother of course had to be stopped from calling the cops when I walked through the door covered in blood, mine or Horan's I wasn't sure. I had simply ignored her pleas for an explanation and gone upstairs to destroy nearly everything I owned, except the bed where I was now lying, high as fuck.

I could feel my stomach churning as what I had walked in on last night replayed over and over in my mind like a bad horror movie. Just the thought of him touching her, kissing her, doing anything with her, it filled me with a rage so primitive I didn't even know I had it within me. I could feel the bile rising in my throat and grabbed the rubbish bin besides my bed, emptying the contents of my stomach into it for what felt like the millionth time that day.

"Louis?" Came a timid knock at the door. "Are you okay? I can make you some soup."

"Fuck off Lottie! I don't want any of your fucking goddamn soup." I managed to say before vomiting yet again, groaning in pain. I knew I was being a total dick. Hell, there pretty much wasn't a time when I wasn't being a total dick. Maybe if I was a better person, Stella would have let me love her, instead of Niall. But it wasn't as if I hadn't warned her. No good ever came of anything to do with me, no matter how hard I tried to make things different. I was like some sort of virus, infecting everything I touched. Stella had been so good, and kind, and innocent, and I had ruined her. Or worse, I had turned her into me.

With great difficulty, I pushed myself off the bed, wincing in agony. Even though I had kicked his ass, Horan had managed to get a couple good punches in, and most of my body hurt just as bad physically as it did emotionally. But I had to get out of here. I wasn't going to sit around all day feeling sorry for myself. Thinking about how much of a fuck up I was. Thinking about her.

I wasn't sure exactly how much drugs I had taken in the last twelve hours, all I knew was that they were doing a shitty ass job of making me forget about all my problems. It was also difficult as fuck to walk in anything that resembled a straight line, but I somehow managed to pull on some clothes and run a brush through my hair, doing just enough that I didn't look homeless. I shoved my car keys in my pocket before heading downstairs, hoping to escape unnoticed. I didn't feel like seeing or talking to anyone, I just needed to get out of here.

"Louis." Came a worried voice from behind me. My mother, of course. It was like she had a fucking tracking device on me or something. "Baby, what happened last night?"

"If I wanted to sit down and have a fucking heart to heart with you about my life, I would, okay? Just leave me alone Mum." I said angrily, refusing to turn around and look at her, it would just make me feel worse.

"Watch your language!" She reprimanded me. "You come storming in here last night covered in blood, absolutely inconsolable, destroying everything in sight... now, unless you give me an explanation young man, you aren't going anywhere."