My Fear, My Silence

Chapter Twenty Four: Not Okay

"Dale could-- could get under your skin. He sure got under mine, because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt. That kind of honesty is rare and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look at Dale. He'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We've all seen it one time or another. I couldn't always read him, but he could read us. He saw people for who they were. He knew things about us-- The truth... Who we really are. In the end, he was talking about losing our humanity. He said this group was broken. The best way to honor him is to unbreak it. Set aside our differences and pull together, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and take control of our lives... Our safety... ...our future. We're not broken. We're gonna prove him wrong. From now on... We're gonna do it his way. That is how we honor Dale." Rick says. It was the memorial,  Dale was buried next to Mama. Everyone just nodded in agreement. No one else spoke, so me and Daddy head to our camp, but Shane stops him.

"Daryl, we having another meeting." Shane says. Daddy groans with irritation and starts to move to the house. "No kids." Daddy growled and put me down.

"Don't do anythin' stupid alright." He says annoyed. It wasn't at me it was at Shane. I nod and head to a spot that I liked. It was where you could see everything and there wasn't that much risk. I enter the barn filled with horses. I never rode a horse before, but I like to pet them. The one that threw Daddy, Nelly, was the nicest to me. She let me hug her neck when I stood on the stool to reach. It helped I would give her treats.

"Wonder where you went." I turn to see Lori. She smiled and walked over to me and Nelly. Nelly backed up cause she got nervous. That's what Hershel said anyway. "This your new friend?" I nod.

"This is Nelly." I tell her an stretch over the door to pet her again. She came closer and nuzzled ito my hand again.

"She likes you." Lori said. "Why you over here? Not playing with Carl or the others?"

"Nelly is better." I tell her as I pet Nelly.

"Now so?"

"She doesn't make me do anything." I tell Lori. I liked her, she was nice. "I don't have to be tough with her, I can be me." Silence filled the room, except from the other horses. 

"Mason, why did you shoot Dale?" She asks me.

"Because I had to protect everyone." I tell her as I turn to see her face.

"Protect from what?"

"Dale got eaten by a walker, so he would be one. So I killed him to protect everyone. That makes it Okay." She shakes her head and puts her hands on my shoulders.

"It's never okay to do that Mason." She says. I tilt my head in confusion.

"But we have to kill Uncle Randall to protect everyone, so why isn't killing Dale okay?" I ask her. She seemed to be taken back. She dropped her arms and just walked out without a word. I didn't get it. I guess she was mad at me. Like Andrea was after the CDC. Everyone gets mad at me now, it sucked. Except Carl and Glenn. And Dale........

"Pinkie ya in here?" I here Daddy's voice.

"Over here." I call. He sees me and walks over.

"Whatcha doin here?" Wow, its like Lori all over again.

"I'm playing with Nelly." I tell him and pet Nelly.

"That the bitch that threw me?" He asks.

"Yup. She likes me better." I giggle. He chuckles a little and sits on a bale of hay next to my stool. He leans back and closes his eyes.  My smile drops when I ask him a question. "Did Lori talk to you?"

"Yeah."

"Are you mad too?" He sits up and looks confused.

"Why would I be mad at ya?" He asks. 

"Cause I killed Dale." I said and started tugging my fingers. He grab my hands and makes me look at him. 

"No, I'm not. If ya hadn't done it, I would've." He says. I nod and lunged at him for a hug. He tenses at first then hugs me back. He puts me on his hip and stands up. "Ya ever ride a horse?"

"No." He smirks. He opens Nelly's door and we get in the stall. The door closes behind us. Daddy gets to the side of Nelly.

"Ya ready?" He asks. A smile grows and I nod a lot. He lifts me over and I sit on Nelly. She adjusted her feet but that was it. I pet her hair and it was stringy, but her fur was soft.

"Daddy! I'm on a horse!!" I squeal. This was so exciting!!! Daddy let go of me, then Nelly moved a little. I held her neck and she moved around her stall.

"Ya a natural." Daddy says from the corner.

"I'm doing it! I'm ridin' a horse!!!" I shriek. I hear small giggles. I look to see Maggie, Glenn, Shane, Lori, Rick and Carl standing at the door seeing me.

"Better than you Daryl." Shane chuckles. 

"Maybe Nelly should be your horse." Maggie says. My eyes widen.

"REALLY!!!"

"Sure, we got a saddle you could use." Maggie said. "But that up to Daryl."

"Please Daddy!" I plead.

"Fine, but ya get thrown off, don't come cryin' ta me." He says with a smirk. He takes me off of Nelly And I hug him tight. 

"Thank you Daddy!!!!!" I squeal. I felt like it would be okay now. We were okay.