I Won't Give Up •The Substitute Teacher Sequel•

Chapter 25

Joey's P.O.V.

I feel Ricky breathing in my neck as my heart beats a mile a minute. I can't do this.

"Ricky. Why don't we talk first. You know, catch up," I say squirming out of his touch.
"Okay. That seems fair. Now please tell me everything," he says sittng on the couch with a little bit of an attitude playing in his tone.
"Listen here fucker. You can't just walk into my life and be upset when I don't want to be treated as a booty call. Now you can leave or we can talk. Got me?" I say sitting on the opposite side of the couch.
"That's fine," he says in a whisper because I just put him in his place.

"Okay so it all started graduation day. Daniel was there and it completely threw me off gaurd. I hadn't seen him in months. I went up to get my diploma and Dr. Joiner handed me a note that Daniel wrote me. And I didn't want you to read but you were acting so god damn stupid so I broke up with you. We then I ran to my car because I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't take everyone. Mostly, I couldn't take Daniel. I was still so pissed that he cheated on me and I really didn't want to see him. Fast forward about a year and I am happily dating Preston. Well, the exact place I caught Preston cheating on me was the place Daniel happened to be at the time. Daniel came home with me and he spent the night. Well, the next morning we started arguing about the fact that I wouldn't take Daniel back. Now, ever since that night, Daniel has been trying to win me over. I had to choose between Preston and Daniel and it was the hardest decision of my life. I chose Preston. I fucking chose the person I knew I wasn't supposed to end up with. To top it all off, I came home to tell Preston who I chose and he expected me just to forget about everything with Daniel. But I can't, Ricky. When you love someone so much it hurts to be the reason they leave. It is fucked up," I say beginning to cry. I haven't actually admited it out loud yet that I should have chosen Daniel. But now that I said it, I feel so much better.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" Ricky says standing up and pacing a bit around the room.
"W-what do you mean?" I say watching him and admiring how much he has grown since I have seen him last. He looks like a man now and less like a twink.
"I mean are you going to just sit here while the love of your life fines someone else or are you going to go after him?" He says being completelt serious.
"Oh, I don't know. I think it is a little late for him to take me back now. I'm damaged. I'm broken. And he is probably out with someone else because he is perfect. He is fucking perfect and I let him go. How fucking stupid is that?" I say placing my hands on my face and just holding them there. I guesd I thought that when I can't see the world, my problems disappear.

"Joey, I think all of these guys are just the collateral damage in this war you are having with yourself. You need to stoo fighting with yourself over what you did. What was done is done and you can't dwell on the past forever," Ricky says coming over and lifting my head out of hands to reveal my tear stained cheeks. I stand up and hug him tight.
"I live in the past because that was the only place I was happy," I say extremely muffled fron the fact that I am crying pretty hard now.
"Nothing lasts forever, Joey," he says rubbing my back to calm me down.
"I know nothing lasts forever. But it's the one thing we promised eachother," I say gripping onto Ricky even harder.
"Joey, go talk to him and try please. He shoudl understand. Especially considering he dedicated his life to your hapiness," Ricky says pulling out of the hug and wipping away the tears from my face.
"Okay. When Preston gets home, will you tell him we are over and I don't want to see any of his stuff when I get back?" I say grabbing my phone, wallet and keys and then staribmng in Ricky's direction waiting for an answer.
"Of course," he says with the most genuine smile I have seen in a long time. I smile back and then hop in my car to go to Daniel's house. Let's hope I can fix the mess I made and repair everything I broke.

Sometimes, I think the tighter someone holds me, the more intact I become. But that is actually wrong. The tighter I am held the more and more I fall apart. This is with most people actually. And that is because usually when we need to be held the tightest is when our world is crashing down on us the most. And when something breaks over and over again, all the little pieces become harder and hard to put back together.