Control.

-8-

Later that evening...

7:58

Grady Hospital Room

I came out of my deep thought and felt a tear trickle down my face. As you can see my whole life was fucked up, I let men treat me like shit and do whatever they please. Now I lay her tied down,vulnerable and wait for somebody to release me. The door swings open again and Rakeem comes in, my body tenses up as he walks over slowly. "Missed me?" He smiled. "Maybe.." I said sarcastically. "Whoa! It's nice to hear you say that." He exlcaimed all excited. Damn, he took it the wrong way.

"So about untying me, you up for it." I asked childishly. "My pleasure."he replied as he unbuckled the straps from my hands and feet. "Just like old times huh?" He whispered in my ear. I froze in fear, remembering my flashback. "I miss you, I stopped watching you when I saw you with him."He replied somberly. "Tell me your vibes seem different, is everything alright with you?" he questioned looking deep into my eyes, damn those peepers are gorgeous. "Don't worry about me please. stop." I said bluntly.

His expression sank as if I crushed his feeling, "I'm sorry I didn-" "No you're fine, but please, if you ever wanna talk or hangout feel free to call me."he interupted while hand me a this card. I took a look at it and it's and old business car;his name and number is on the back. That's something you don't see everyday; who has there number ready on them like that? Uh! Whatever.

I Look at him and smile, he gives me a whole-hearted grin and we hug. I collected my things after he left and walked to Javier's room. I knocked on the door and there was no answer, I knocked again and this time pushed open the door. There was Javier out cold with a bandage on his head, His frizzy afro poked out on the sides. This image crushed me, I heard the heart machine beep a steady, calm sound. I walked over to his bed side and sat next to him. I heard the machine speed up in heart rate as I touched his lips. Was he excited to see me?

His eyes fluttered and he was trying to move his left hand to touch me, I grabbed his hand and his eyes popped open; sleepy looking and confused. "Mom?" he said in a raspy voice. "No it's me, Niara." I corrected him. "He's going to be confused for the next hour." ??? said. I jumpped and saw a heavy set nurse updating his board. "Um who are you?" I asked perplexed. "I'm nurse Colleen." she smiled. "Your husband conditioned has improved drastically, we just gave him some Demarol to stop the pain. You sure did get him good honey."she laughed. "Oh. Oh he's not my husband he's my boyfriend." I answered. 

She knit her borw and finally said,"Well that's what he told me, sweetie." she smiled. Javier considers me his wife, does he want to marry me? I smiled to myself as I thought, "He must love you honey if he considers you his wife. DID SHE JUST READ MY MIND???? "Yea. I guess so." I replied. I look over at Javier who is blankly staring out the window, smiling. "What's so funny?" I asked him getting concerned. " I'm just glad your here." he said, this time squeezing my wrist.

3 hrs. later.....

Javier's practically back to himself, when they brought him his food he ate like it was the last supper or something. "Hey Niara can I ask you something?" "Spit!" I answered. "Do you love me, like really love me?" he asked while twiddling his thumbs. I thought to my self for a second and finally answered," Yes I do." I smiled. "Even when I get angry and beat you senseless?" he said still looking down. "No. I don't feel anything. Saddness, fear, love;nothing. Completely emotionless." I replicated. "Oh." There was an awkward silence then I look up and saw Rakeem peeking from behind the door. It's so obvious, who could ignore those dreds swinging? 

I slowly rose to my feet, "I'll be right back." I told him. "Where are you going, don't leave me." he pleaded. "Your a big boy Javier. I'll be back."I assured him. He pouted in a cute way and sat back on some pillows.

I get outside only to see Rakeem briskly walking away. I grabbed him my his arm; he spun around, glaring at me. I never seen him this disturbed,not even when I first saw him. "He hits you?" he hissed. "It's complicated, and why were you watching us,creep?" I questioned. He clinched his jaw and looked at me with anger. He gripped both my shoulders and squeezed them, it was intense." Don't ever call me that again!" he growled. He let me go and I saw his face relaxed, talk about being hostile. "Show me." he demanded. "Here what if people are look at me?" I whinned." Fine." he said while gripping my hand.

I was practically being dragged down the hall, we reached a family restroom and went in. he flipped on the light and stood in front of the door. "Show me" he grunted. I sighed and slowly slid my shirt above my head. I looked away as he came closer and touched all the places that were black and blue. I saw his face turn red and a tear slipped out his eye. "Don't cry, it won't help." I said still looking away. "He did this to you, and you don't cry? At All?" he sniffled. "No. Besides you are more emotional than I am." I retorted.

"so lemme guess you just got use to the beating huh?" He said while wiping a tear away. "You could say that." I blurted out. "Bullshit!" he yelled while turning to puched the wall. It scared me out of my wits, literally. "i don't want you staying with him, baby."he said cupping my face in his hands. "Please don't call me that. I can't leave him even if I tried." I elaborated. "what you signed your life over or something?" he joked. Really not the time, Rakeem. "Look I don't wanna talk about it right now, Maybe some other time." I said fighting to hold back tears. "I get it. call me." he said leaving the bathroom.

I felt this tightening in my chest and I collasped to my knees, it's just hurts so bad. The emotional pain is way worst than physical, god please released me. I pick my self up, wash my face and head back to Javier's room.

I get back and he's up walking around aimlessly. "Where we you?" he asked. " I was trying to find a snack machine but got lost, so I asked a nurse for help. You know me don't know my right from my left." I lied. We laughed it off and we started packing up to leave in the morning. 

I bent over to take my phone charger out the wall and I felt eyes on me, I turned to see a some male nurse looking me up and down. I quickly get up and stre at him, Javier comes out the bathroom; looks at me then the expression on the nurse's face. "What hell is going on?" he asked. "Uh-uh nothing.. nothing, excuse me!" as quick as he came he left. "I swear if that nigga was looking at you i swear I'll fuck him up!" he yelled. "keep it down! You're already banged up, here sit down." I said while pointing to the bed. I fluffed a pillow and sat it behind him.

Eventually he fell asleep in my arms like a little innocent child. I kissed his forehead gently and he flinched. I slowly drifted off and when into a deep sleep. Damn what a day.