Seducing Richard

《Chapter 13》

A/N: This chapter is not edited for grammatical errors. The chapter contains a language other than English and so translations are in bold.

"I don't want to waste the weekend if you don't love me pretend, a few more hours then its time to go." - Ron Pope, 'A Drop In The Ocean'

"We're not making love make it nasty." - Rihanna, 'Sex With Me.'

"I wanna fuck like we're filming in the valley, I wanna push and shove and paint your hills and valleys, I got a red idea to expedite the right mind bend it over pull it to the side I'm talking lips, tits ,clit, sit..." - Miguel 'the valley'

☆☆☆

I feel really bad about not telling Alley about Raphael but I cant just ruin their marriage and I need to make sure I have proof of his atrocities ready just in case I need to tell her. I may lose my job but then everything happens for a reason and I would have to accept the harsh reality. I'd go back to writing full time though I'm such a procrastinator sometimes.

Dance class with Richard starts next week and this is the last weekend I actually have of 'free time' even if I'm practically working. I cant shake Xander and I betraying Chloe but I feel like its Karma but there's a child involved and as good as the sex may be actually as good as the sex is, I cant put the child through that. My mother raised me better than that.Yes I am selfish but I am selfless when it counts and this matters.

Xander has never been one to be too rational he just lives his life but he has something steady going for him and Chloe even if she can be very hormonal and a bitch a lot. She loves him and I think he loves her but is in denial.

I love him.

I really do.

But I cant have him. That's what it is and always will be from here on. She's already past the first trimester and is very unlikely to have a miscarriage so I cant even count on that. The mini Xander in her womb will be here to stay and I have to move past him.

I need to move past him.

I may have moved on from Xander and not been bothered by him with her-fucking but now its an actual relationship. I've been telling myself I'm over it,him and them but I have to face facts.

I'm not over it.

Why?

I dated him for two years and fucked him a lot after that even if I was sharing him with her after we were over I was happy that he was just as single as I was. He isn't anymore. Knowing him,he'll marry her soon,he's had his own rough times and wants to be there for his child. He may say he loves me but he's just using me as a drug.Something to take his mind off of things for a while,I'm his opiate,his cocaine I'm his drugs but he's my poison. We're not good for each other. It was good when we were friends but this whole friends with benefits situation is not good for me and neither is it good for him. Not by a long shot.

I'm doing terribly at being an adult. I need to tell Alley but I cant do it. I cant do it because she will not believe me and Richard will hate me and so will Jerome and even Marcus for ruining their marriage and family.

My feelings for Xander are almost nonexistent but I'm in love with the feeling,I'm envious because Chloe found love where my heart was broken and that makes me angry.

He's full of anger and love but he's a mess and has Chloe to fix him up. I should not be involved. I need to find my own fixer because fixing myself has not worked out so well.

There's a knock at the door,pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Eva could you get that?" Freya yells from her room. I really thought she'd left already.