A Faded Love

Chapter 4

"How – what are you doing here?" Alex asked while wiping her tears.

"Lauren called me saying how she told you to read my journal. I wanted to check on you to see if you really read it," Tobin responded.

"Well, I guess you're not sick, huh?" Alex chuckled, "But as you can see I am not fine," Alex took a deep breath, "Tobin why did you lie to me?" she asked with a hurt look on her face.

Tobin scratched the back of her neck letting out a sigh. She walked towards Alex and sat next to her on the bed. "I didn't know how to tell you. I knew you would have been mad that I was breaking this promise and I didn't want to hurt you."

Alex closed Tobin's journal and placed it onto Tobin's lap. "I would have been less hurt if you had told me before. Do you know how excited I was when I received that letter from Berkeley? The first thing I thought of when I read it was that you and me were going to the same college and I was so happy. So happy that I thought we'd be able to spend every minute together in our next chapter of our life. Tobin-" Alex was cut off by Tobin.

"Alex, I-" but Tobin was cut off by Alex.

"No, Tobin, you let me speak. I got my hopes up. You got my hopes up. I would have understood if you had told me UNC was your dream school. I didn't want to force you to go to Berkeley. You had a say in this promise, but you decided to lie about your interest in Berkeley. You lied to me for months, Tobin!" At this point, Alex could not hold her tears in any longer. She was too tired and weak to say anymore so she just cried.

Tobin looked at her with concern. This is what she tried to prevent, but lying is never the answer. She moved closer to Alex, but not touching her. She took a deep breath and told Alex, "I'm not going to UNC."

Alex's crying started to slow down and she looked up at Tobin, "What?"

"I'm keeping the promise. I'll de-commit from UNC and commit to Berkeley instead," Tobin said while trying to hold in her tears.

"Don't lie to me again, Tobin Heath. You're stupid to think I would believe you would do that," Alex said with a harsh tone. "No, you're stupid for even saying that just to make me feel better. I know you will never de-commit from UNC. You even said so yourself, Berkeley isn't the school for you," Alex stood up and started pacing back and forth. "You're not even going to be happy at Berkeley so why go there? I don't want to have to deal with you gloomy all the time because you decided to de-commit from your dream school."

Tobin was hurt that Alex was saying all these harsh statements to her but she took it because she believed she deserved it. But she was also frustrated that Alex did not understand her. "Alex, do you not understand that I am willing to sacrifice my dream just so I can be with you? Maybe I'll enjoy Berkeley and maybe I will have that "home" feeling. Maybe it changed," Tobin started to cry and she told herself to just let it go and not to fight the tears. "I just want you to be happy, but I also want to be the reason why you're happy. I just want to be with you, everyday."

Alex was taken back by Tobin's words. However, she was more shocked that Tobin was crying and had not come up with a lame excuse to why there were tears coming out of her eyes. But Alex was not convinced that Tobin was telling the truth. "You're full of crap, Tobin," Alex laughed, "You know, I really wish I never met you now!" Alex didn't think twice before saying that statement. She looked at Tobin who held a hurt look on her face. A look she wishes she had never saw. But before she could say anything else, Tobin stood up and took an envelope out of her pocket.

Tobin's heart was broken after she heard what Alex told her. But she took it in because she believed that she deserved it. Tobin placed the letter on Alex's desk and started to walk out of her room. "I figured something like this would happen," Tobin started to cry even more. "Just read these and, um, just know that I love you." Tobin waited to see if Alex would respond, hopefully saying that she loves her back, but Alex just stood there like a statue. And with no response, Tobin ran out of Alex's house with tears streaming down her face. She got into her care and drove, not home, not to a friend's house, she just drove. "It's okay. It's okay. I'm okay," Tobin continually told herself.