Is it Forbidden Doc?

Idealized

Things got calmer after we entered his house and i called my friends to tell them i would be in his house. He got himself a glass of scotch and water for me.

"i'm sorry i hit you." i said getting myself at his side as his hands lifted me and placed me on his lap, kissing me softly.I could taste the alcohol. I placed my hands on his shoulders and looked at him. We needed to talk.

"i don't want you to fear me, or doubt me anymore" he said as his arms wrapped around me. My head on his shoulder, i felt safe and warm, Alex smelled nice, except for the strong alcohol.

"Don't drink." i said with a small voice, he didn't look at me and brought his glass to his lips, drinking all the content in one swing.

"It's something that helps me, to calm myself, and be more out of my mind" he said, and i understood him.

"ok" i said softly, i wanted him to be open and tell me his fears, his nightmares and wishes, but he wouldn't. Overtime i started to try, he would change the course of the talk and ask me something.

I wasn't going to get mad, but it's time for me to know more.

"Alex..." i said, he placed the glass on the table and turned us so we were sideways on the couch.

"shh, don't speak." he places his mouth over mine, and started to kiss me deeply and passionately. i squirmed and tried to stop but he was determined and very turned on, from what i could feel.

"stop moving baby." he said and breathed heavily over my neck before placing wet and biting kisses, i knew he was going to leave a mark and i panicked.

"Alex, don't! You are going to leave a hickey!" i said triying not to laugh as his hands started to wander my sides and waist.

"mmmh. that's the idea" he said and moved us so he was on top, and i changing form laughter to moans as his hands now where wandering under my dress, my legs immediately shut and he touched my underwear looking into my eyes. He was breathing hard and talking to me in a deep husky voice.

"mmhm Baby girl, you so soft, and this panties?" he asked as he removed them, it made me clearly uncomfortable and very embarrassed. I wanted this, and he knew it but this was all too sudden.

"I-I...Alex you know you are the first" i said, trying to calm him, and bring him to his senses, i didn't want my first time to be in the drunk state that He was.

"I know, i love it baby and, I love you for it" He said, not understanding to meaning of what i said.

"no. Alex i don't want it , you are drunk!" i said now getting off of him and placing my hand around me.

"Amelia." he said now concerned, and i breathed from relief.

"it's best if i go. Maybe you can sleep some and call me in the morning?" i asked and looked at his expectant and surprised eyes.

"Ye-yes, i mean" he cleared his throat. "i didn't mean to scare you. Shit i've been very tactless this night haven't i?"

" No, it's just that we both had very bad nights and it's better to leave it here and forget it" i said hugging him to me and touching his jaw, he had a nice defined bony face and i loved touching it. His eyes were open and lucid not like minutes ago were the lust was controlling him.

"Amelia..., i'm sorry" he kissed me and i took his hand to stand up and get out the house. i kissed him before i took my phone and called a taxi that was there in just a minute.

"bye Alex. good night" i kissed him one last time, and couldn't stop thinking of the disaster that ended up to be the night.

..........

Alex had more night shifts than i could remember, while i was called to be at the gallery by the end of the month, 21 of my works would be showed and i needed to finish 4 of the sculptures. i Got myself at the work room 5 days a week and every time i got to my house at 11, only to work on weekends, i was exhausted and very confused at the mood changes Alex was demonstrating.

By the time i had finished the planet one, my hands had various cuts but it was worth it all, as my head master called me to congratulate me for my work and the concept i used, it was a beautiful

3D, 2 meters diameter, planet using plastic and glass recycled.

All of this happened as my classes with Mr.Dunham or Andrew... were more than uncomfortable, he wanted me to q&A all the time during class and called my name for everything.

"how is Alex Amelia? You look tired, maybe a nap at my office could help" He said once he cornered me in his classroom and asked me to get the papers.

I nervously looked at the class and saw that a few were actually looking at them and didn't even look suspicious as to why should Mr.Dunham might be calling me.

"He's fine, and don't worry about me, i'm good thanks" i said as politely as i could.

"No you aren't, this face looks awfully spent." he said.

"ok that's enough of your concern" i cleared my throat that somehow got raspy and i went to my seat where i finished my essay. It was about feminism and the changes it got in popular culture, sexual liberation and private life in our generation 'millennial's'. Women are often expected to be pure, sane and beautiful in the sense that we were pressured by society to be healthy, have a nice body and be as polite as possible, not being able to cuss, scream or fight.

Because those behaviors were seen as 'un-ladylike',for another part... in my experience, women with brains or a bit self-esteem were bullied into think that they weren't desirable and frigid. Because we decided to whom we showed our bodies, or wanted to have a deeper connection than a useless weed filled conversation, young women immediately are isolated from the 'hip crowds'

getting names for nothing. For everything and anything.

Why slut-shaming, why not support us, being women with women. Not men and women against us. That's feminism, Support femininity between women.

Once i finished and revised my 8 pages. I took my pen-drive and copied the archive, getting to Andrew he saved it on his computer and started to read it right away.

Not bothering to see his expression while he read my work i returned to the back of the class and started to talk with one of the literature students, he explained to me his concept of the latest wars and the imminent change in the collective thinking, heading for a third war or a complete change in estate ordering and economic as technologic advances and theories.

He was a nerdy guy, with lenses and black clothes as well as black shoes. Cute and intelligent, he showed me his girlfriend on his phone and she was a small red head with big blue eyes.

"aww she's beautiful nate" i said when i heard his voice calling me.

"Miss Hawk. Stay after class please." His brooding, tall body appeared behind me and Nate laughed at my eyes rolling, he knew the suffering i was living in that class.

"I can't Mr.Dunham, i'm sorry" i said and Nate surprised me saying that he had to make a question and distracted him from talking to me.

I mouthed a thank you to him, and started to collect my things, as i was at the door i heard my name but decided that i didn't hear anything.

Getting to the apartment, i put on some music and started to bake, with a glass of wine and some vintage records, my mood lifted and the dancing soon appeared, i was having a blast.

Alex hadn't called me so i decided to take the night for myself, as i got the cake out of the over, i placed the cookies in it's tray. The music was getting more slow and minimal, and i mind wandered to the day i met him.

It hadn't been in the best circumstances and i fell head over heels immediately. As it is supposed to be, i'm getting more and more involved in this relation, but there was something in the back of my head for some time now.

I had idealized the idea of him, My "hero" and all that. Maybe i should take some time to think calmly, Andrew was giving me weary feelings, like he knows. Maybe he does think i have feelings for him, thing that i don't. Or i would like to believe.

.....