➰ICY➰ Alec Lightwood♣️

➰25➰ Alec♣️

I don't know the moment I snapped. All I know that, when I realized what I was doing, I was yelling at the others so loud that, a look of surprise and maybe a little bit of concern was etched to their faces. Ivy was gone. That bastard took her from me. Hodge helped him. I don't know which is worse: that Ivy is probably in the hands of a psychopath or the fact that I let her down when I promised her over and over again that nothing would happen to her or the feeling of betrayal when I learned that Hodge was the one who made the explosion in order to create a chaos, so that Adam could grab Ivy?

All I know that it is too much and I snap. I snap so hard that, I don't think I have ever had such a breakdown in my life. Just a couple of hours ago I had everything. But now, half of me is gone. And it is all my fault. I couldn't protect her from the bastard. I let her go.

"I. Don't. Care. About. Anything. Else. I have to find Ivy!" I roar at Jace who is trying to stop me from grabbing my bow. He pushes me a little bit harder, but I try not to budge.

"Alec, calm down. Please. I know, it is hard for you, it is hard for all of us. But this is Valentine we are talking about, first we need a plan. You can't just go to his den. He will kill you!" Jace snaps at me, but I am not taking it.

"He won't kill me, because the moment I lay my hands on him, he will be the dead one out of us both. No one takes Ivy from me!" I say through gritted teeth, and I see a flicker of shock go through his face, and suddenly his grip and also his expression is softened.

"I didn't know you loved her this much" he murmurs, only for me to hear. I don't know why, but that statement makes it worse. If till now, I have been acting out of rage, the words Jace says, breaks something in me. My stance falters and I take a step back. The realization hits me hard. The realization that, it could have been the last time I saw Ivy, I should have looked longer so that I could embed her featured into my mind forever. It could have been the last time I heard her laugh, I should have made her laugh more. It could have been the last time I kissed her, I should have kissed her with more power and love, with everything I had. It could have been the last time I ever said I loved her. I should have said it sooner.

I guess for the first time, everyone around sees the way I am feeling, because this time I don't bother to hide it from my face, so the next moment it is Izzy's small figure that I feel snuggling to me, her soft hand caressing my face. I lower my eyes to her face and all I see is guilt.

"I am so sorry, Alec. It is all my fault. I shouldn't have let Adam near any of you. I should have-"

"It is not your fault" I cut her off calmly. "Hodge was still here, he would have found another way to catch Ivy." She shuts up at this statement, but the guilt is still there. I give her a small smile and detangle myself from her arms. My eyes gaze around: Clary is sitting at one corner, rocking forth and back, crying and murmuring something to herself, Simon is sitting next to her with his head in his hands, I can see the shock written all over his face. My parents are talking to each other animatedly with a frown. Magnus made appearance too, after the explosion and now he is sitting at the table and trying to concentrate in order to see where Ivy was. I tried with Jace our parabatai bond, but it was futile. All we saw was darkness. But of course, it is Valentine we are talking about. He would never let his hideaway be discovered by a mere parabatai bond.

I sigh and make my way to Magnus. He flinches a little bit when I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Did you find anything?" I ask with hope, but the moment he raises his face, I know there is no hope. He is looking sorry.

"No. Valentine has probably a warlock on his side. Because it feels like the moment I try to enter his or Ivy's mind, something pushes me back. Although I did see the cell for a second that I guess Ivy was talking about" he says and my eyes widen. Cell. So Valentine is truly keeping Ivy in a cell? If that is true, then it means the rest of her vision might be true too. They will try to brainwash her. Panic rises inside of me and I once again take rushed steps towards the weapon stash, but Jace is there before me.