➰ICY➰ Alec Lightwood♣️

➰A letter to my heart➰

Ivy,

I don't even know whether you will read this letter or not, whether it will find you or not. I don't even know why I am writing you this when in fact I know that, you don't even wish to see me. But I just wanted to let you know the things I have felt, and am still feeling to this day. I was never good with words, at least not verbally, but I hope with this letter, I will be able to make you understand, just how much you mean to me.

I don't even know where to begin with.

I guess from the beginning.

I was a fool. This much I know. All my life, I thought the emotions were nothing but a nuisance. I have been raised that way. I never spared anyone a second glance. My missions were my life.

It was like I was a robot.

I don't know how or when, but slowly, I began feeling these weird things for Jace that I can't even describe to this day. I don't know how to name it. Maybe it was fascination, maybe it was admiration or maybe it was just a simple crush. I don't know. I guess from a lack of friends, you tend to do stupid things. Having feelings for Jace was one of those. I was trying so hard to suppress them, after all emotions were just a distraction, weren't they?

I tried to let go of him. But day by day, it was staring to become like an addiction for me, and I was starting to hate myself more and more. It was not me. Jace was not mine. I was not Jace's. It was a foolish way of showing desperation. Desperation to be loved and to love.

People do some desperate things in order to gain love from others.

And then one night, when I was almost ready to break apart and go crazy, you barreled into my life with your friend and just by a look I was a goner. I saved your life when I have never done that even for my sister. A success at the mission was always the first thing on my mind.

But then I saw you and all those things went out the window the moment I laid my eyes on you.

At first I didn't like those feelings. I was still hung up on Jace, so I ignored the little things your presence made me feel.

I was trying so hard to make you believe that I hated your guts. I was trying even harder to persuade myself.

You saw right through me. The things I felt for Jace, you read me like an open book. It pissed me off even more.

But then you came to me when I was feeling like a piece of shit and you hugged me. I think it was in that moment when I finally let myself feel the real things that I felt for you.

After that moment, I caught myself at throwing glances at you here and there. Whenever I was next to you, Jace flew out of mind and you were the only thing that I could think about. With you, I wasn't afraid of acting like myself.

With you, I was different and I was starting to like it.

Slowly, I was starting to grow feelings for you, and let me tell you something, Ivy Clover.

You helped me see my true nature, because before you, I never thought I would ever love a woman, but you proved me wrong. I am not sure whether anyone has been able to do that yet, but you have. And I am not one bit sorry about that.

And then it happened.

I fell in love with you.

So much that, it was starting to be hard to breathe and think and act without you by my side. All I could think of was you. You, you, you.

You were invading my heart little by little, leaving your trails everywhere, making it completely belong to you. And I could do nothing about it. I wasn't going to.

I would still give my heart to you over and over again, even if I knew that it was going to be torn into million little pieces.

Because, just when I found you, I lost you.

That time, when you were having your visions, you were trying to them from me, because you thought having seen you at your worst time, would make me hate you.

I guess that is the reason you left all of us behind, you left me behind.

'I am sorry'

Those were the words I found on my pillow when I got back from looking for you everywhere after the fight.

I know why you left.

You killed your brother just because you wanted to save me. You left because I saw your dark side and that was the one thing you were terrified of. But you know what?

It made me love you even more. Because even in that state, you never stopped fighting. I still remember that look on your face, when you were ready to kill me, but then it was like you felt it in your heart by just looking at me, how much you cared for me, and you fought your inner demon and you won that fight.

You won and that is why you killed your brother.

If you didn't do it, I would have done it, Ivy. Because no one lays a hand on you and gets away with it. Because no one touches my Ivy.

I stopped looking for you the moment I read those words on my pillow. I know you need time to get over that incident. I understand. I would have done the same thing. You know, I am counting the days. It has been exactly 87 days since I saw your face. That's me for you, a nerdy Alec :)

But I just wanted to let you know that, it doesn't matter that you have a demon blood in your veins. You saw me at my worst and you didn't run away, just the opposite, you stood by my side. I saw you at your worst, and I fell in love with you all over again, because you are a true fighter, and I admire you even more for that.

I am sorry, because I am not able to help you get over your pain. It kills me, not being able to do anything, not being able to make you smile, to make you forget everything, to take your hand and help you start all over again. But I guess you want it to do on your own and I respect that decision.

Just know that, wherever you are, just one call from you, and I will be there. Always. Anytime.

And if you decide to come back to me, I will be here, waiting for you. Always.

Because you, Ivy Clover, are my heart and I will never be complete without you. It is beating only for you.

I want to ask you to come back, to let me help you, we can get through this together, cause it hurts less when you share your pain with someone else. But I am not sure you will agree with me.

You always were the one that sacrificed yourself for others.

Let me sacrifice myself for you.

I love you. And I will love you, always, whether you come back or not.

Keep my heart safe. I know you will.

Forever yours,

Alec

The next chapter will be epilogue :) I hope you guys like this chapter. I liked it myself. Vote and let me know what you think ;) Kisses and hugs❤️