Away!

Chapter 35

"And what will change now?" Mar asks and leans against Uri again. Everyone is asking Tobias questions again. Every since they found out about his dad they've been doing that.
I feel Tobias moving his shoulders - shrugging. "I obviously don't know. Am i a fortune teller or what?" Everyone flinshes at how hard his words were. I do too, at first. He is just stressed. Everyone just stares at Tobias. He pushes me away from him and stands up. Zeke wants to hold him back. "Come on man you can't..." but Tobias frees his sleeve out of Zekes hand and says: "You all leave me alone! Okay?" Again his words are full of anger and no one holds him back this time when he walks upstairs. I am shocked. I noticed he has been stressed all day but that he would explode like that... it makes me uneasy. I get up but Mar holds me back. "Wait tris. At least finish lunch before you talk to him." "Yeah. Let him cool down." I remember how much he needed support yesterday and free myself from mars grip gently. "Its fine. I will be fine." "Just be carefull he doesn't hurt you..." Chris says and i look at her wide eyed. "He - Four would never... he would never hurt me!" Sensing my shock she quickly explains: "No i meant menatlly. Not physicly. I didn't mean that he would punch you." I nod and smile at her a bit before i also walk up the stairs. Taking two steps at once.
When i stand infront of his room i hesitate. What if Mar is right? What if he wants to be left alone? But my instinct tells me to support him right now and so i lift my hand and knock once. When i hear no response i slowly open the door. He sits with his back to the door, hunched over in his chair. His monitors are switched on but there is nothing playing on them. "Tobias?" I ask carefully. Testing the terrain. His head snaps up and he turns around in his chair fast. He glares at me. "What? Didn't i say i wanted to be left alone?" I walk a few steps back. "I just thought i would check up on you..." i say and try to make my voice calm. "You thought wrong. Leave me alone." "Tobias i..." i start again but it was to much. "Leave!" He screams. His hands roam through his hair. I turn around and leave. I fight the tears while i walk towards my room. He has no right to talk to me like that. I did nothing wrong. I close my door behind me. Instead of sadness i am angry now. If he wants to shut himself away - fine with me. But he doesn't have the right to yell at me like that. I sit on my bed and get out my phone. I write a text at mar: You wanna go to dauntless? Her reply comes a few seconds later: sure. What happend? I type: i'll explain later. She doesn't respond but a few seconds later it knocks on my door. "Come in." Mar steps in. Chris behind her. "Hey girls." I say and force a smile. "Are you alright?" I don't abswer that question. "Lets just go and train." They nod but i see the side way glance they are giving each other before they leave to redress.
When i step in the hallway in my sport clothing i see Tobias going into the bathroom. We look at each other for a few seconds before he turns away. My heart clenches and i run downstairs - fighting tears. Downstairs i wait for Mar and chris. As soon as they arrive i put on my shoes and they do the same. Then we start running.

Sweaty and my heart still racing i step into the shower. But the training cleared my mind. I am thinking straight again. Mar and Chris stand in the shower cabines on my left. We already taught Chris the main things about fighting. She will get through initiation easily. I let the cold water wash away my sweat and massage the shampoo in my hair. Tobias will have to apologise. He can't just yell at me like that. I know that he is stressed. I keep telling myself that but i know that really i am just afraid that this fight will end our relationship. I am really afraid of that. Maybe he realised that he doesn't love me and that i am not worth it. I mean i would kind of understand it. I am skinny and flat chested. I have no curves or anything that could make me desireable. Maybe he realised that.

With those thoughts in my mind i slowly walk back home. Chris and Mar drove with Zeke. They tried to make me come with them but i refused. I walk slowly. I look around and try not to think of tobias stormy blue eyes or the way he looks at me just before he kisses me. I turn right into a park. I've never been in this one. I look around. Its a normal park. The trees don't have leavs yet and the grass only slowly gets green again. Since i don't already want to go home i fall onto a bench. I sink into my thoughts. I am still angry at tobias although i am also still afraid. I try to get my thoughts straight. After a bit of time i get up again. I want to look at my phone to see what the time is but it has no energy. I sigh. Ok whatever i will just start my way home. I walk out of the park and see that the sun is already starting to set. Wow, i guess i stayed here longer than i thought.
When i stand infront of the house i suddenly hear someone yelling: "Where is she? You said she walked! Why is she taking so long?" Tobias. "Four please calm down. We will go and search for her. I see Tobias face through the window. He looks worried and also sacred. Really scared. "You know that it can be dangerous here at night." "Calm down Four. She knows how to fight." I see him ruffling through his hair and then he walks away. He is worrying about me. Really much. I can't supress a smile. I step infront of the door and just when my finger wants to press the button for the door bell the door opens. Tobias stands in the door way. He looks at me and then i am in his arms. I don't want to forgive him so easily but i can't do anything but hug him back. When we pulled away he presses his forehead against mine. "Where were you?" He asks. His voice still sounds reliefed now. "I just sat in the park. I lost track of the time." He shortly fits his lips to mine. "Don't do that again." I nod and kiss him as well. We walk inside again and Mar hugs me. "What took you so long?" "I just sat in the park and thought." She nods. "I was worried. He made all of us worry. He kept creating worst case cenarious untill we believed him that someone came by and drank you blood." I laugh a bit. "Well as far as i know no one drank my blood." She raises her hands to the ceiling. "Thank god." I laugh. "What is for dinner?" I ask. Everyone starts laughing.
A few minutes later i am sitting in my room with tobias next to me. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me towards him. He takes a deep breath and breaths in my hair. I enjoy the feeling but then push him away. "No tobias." He looks at me with sad eyes. "You can't just yell at me like that and then pretend like nothing happend." He sighs. "I am sorry Tris. I really am. I don't know what was wrong with me. I was just stressed and... i don't know. I am sorry." I cross my arms. "Thats all you have to say?" He raises an eybrow. "What else am i supposed to say?" I sigh. "I don't know." I answer. He pulls me towards him by my wrists. "You hurt me." He touches his lips to mine. "I am sorry. I never ment to. Something i forget that i can hurt you. That you capeable of beeing hurt." My chest feels warm at his words. He believes that i am strong. I sigh a bit. "You know, you always say the right things. Its really hard to be angry with you." He smiles an adorable half smile. I lean down and fit my lips on his. He kisses back and i tangle my hand in his hair. I sit down next to him but he gently lifts me on his lab so i am straddling him. Again nervous energy rushes through my body. I open my mouth and his tounge slides inside. He stands up but my legs are still around his hips. He lays me down and i pull him down to me again. My hands travel under his shirt and i feel his muscular back. He is so strong. I feel his mucles flexing and then relaxing. His hands are on my hips and i smile against his lips. He squeezes my hips and i giggle. He grins and kisses me again. Suddenly his hands are under my shirt. But i realise that its not as bad as before. Right now his hands are on my back - on my shoulder blades. He presses me towards him. I grin and roll us around so i am laying on top of him. He grins as well and i push up his shirt and my hands roam over his stomach while i kiss him again.
We only stop kissing because someone knocks on my door. I pull away from him and stand up. The door opens and Uri steps in. He eyes Tobias who quickly pulls down his shirt while still grinning. Uri grins widely. "Oh sorry. Did i interupt something?" I glare at him. "What do you want?" I ask. Uri ignores my questions. He fake whispers: "Hey Four, i got a few condoms if you want..." i take a pillow and throw it at him. "Out!" I say. He laughs along with Four anf leaves. "Just wanted to tell you that food is ready. But looks like you guys have other plans." I roll my eyes and then Uri pushes a still packed condom under the door. Thats enough! I jump down from the bed and rip the door open. Uri still kneels infront of it. When he sees me he screeches and starts running away. "Yes! Better run away you pansycake!" I yell after him. I slam the door shut and ty to cool my burning cheeks with my hands. I don't need a reminder that i am old enough to have sex. Espacially not with Tobias next to me. He sees how much this troubled me and gets down from the bed. "Hey Tris, it was just a joke." I feel tears in my eyes and blink away. Don't be stupid. You won't cry about that! I turn towards tobias. "I-i just feel stupid. You are already 20 and you still didn't have sex and i am 18 and i..." he stops me with his lips on mine. "Tris its totally fine. I don't think that having sex is a simple thing either. I understand you and i know that one day you will be ready and till then i won't pressure you." I nod. He pulls me into his arms and i burry my head in his chest. He smells like home, like safety, like my Tobias.