reckless - h.s / mature content

29 - revealing secrets

Millie

"It all started when I was about 16." I started. "I was always kind of a trouble maker, like I said always fighting with my parents. I had this group of friends. We were always hanging out, ditching school, taking drugs and drinking by any time of the day. I was a real fuck up back then. I never cared about anyone or their feelings, I just did what I wanted to." My gaze wandered around the lake, avoiding Gina as good as I could. "When I was sixteen, I met this guy. Elliot." That name alone send shivers down my spine. Not the good kind of shivers.

"He was 20 when we met. He was so kind to me, always looking after me, taking care when I was high or too drunk. He was always there. He was handsome as fuck, broad. Just really my type. After a few months, we were head over heels for each other. We were hooking up from the beginning, the first time we met, we already had sex. At first it was just us having fun, not caring about the age difference. Not even caring that it was illegal." The memories were flashing back, I tried to get rid of them by closing my eyes, but it was senseless.

"We were so in love. He was always protecting me, even if it meant that he had to punch someone. I was his Angel, he always called me that. Everything went pretty fast after we got in a relationship. I hated my parents, so I moved with him after a few months. Everything was so perfect between us and I really thought he'd be the one." I slowly exhaled, my heart was beating quickly and I already felt my emotions taking the best of me.

"Why do I have the feeling that this story has no happy end." Gina carefully looked at me. "Because there's no happy end." I gently smiled. "He was the love of my life. He was mature, earning good money, funny, kind. Everything I've ever wished for. Even Isaac, my older brother, was approving our relationship. So I was sixteen, living with a twenty year old man together, trying to handle life. I was still taking drugs, any kind of. He was, too. But we all did, so it wasn't that bad to us." I tried to explain her my life back then.

"What kind of drugs?" Gina asked. "All kinds. Cocaine, exctasy, LSD, heroine. It's kind of a miracle that I haven't got addicted. I mean, of course in some kind of way I was, but it's not affecting me any longer. But that was the only way I learned. Take drugs, it makes everything better." I bitterly chuckled, "It does not make everything better. It makes everything worse."

"I remember," I scrunched my eyes together, trying to avoid the tears, "my best friend, Ellie. She was on Crystal Meth. She was already really addicted to it, I always told her to stop, but she never listened. She was always so high, sometimes it was so dangerous, that she did the most stupid things on her trip, I can't even count how many times I had to save her. And then one day, my brother called me." I felt a tear wetting my cheek, but I didn't wipe it away. "He called me, he was crying hysterically, screaming on the top of his lungs. I still remember how I tried to calm him, how I tried to make him talk, but all he did was cry." I felt Gina's hand intertwining with mine, taking it from my thigh. Only now I saw that I was gripping my thigh so harshly and scratching it, that it started bleeding a bit.

"Squeeze my hand whenever you feel like it." She gently smiled and I nodded, inhaling deeply and blinking away my tears.

"After a few minutes he calmed down a bit, still crying though. He told me, Ellie was overdosing. She died that night in her apartment. She was taking to much Crystal and I was not there to save her. I remember," Tears were streaming down my face, but I couldn't care less. I still miss Ellie everyday of my life.

"I remember, breaking down, throwing my phone against a wall and just slumping down, crying, screaming and scratching. I had the worst breakdown. Elliot was there, trying to calm me, carrying me to my bed while I was insulting him and punching him. He was so patient with me. But after a few days.. No, it was after Ellie's funeral. I was at home, crying my eyes out, not talking to anybody. Elliot came into our bedroom, he was already in a bad mood because of me, but I couldn't care less." I calmed down a bit, now having dried tears on my face.