Find Her, Keep Her (CFTM Sequel)

Chapter 11 (Part 1)

*NOTE: For a good laugh or two, click on the Youtube video above ^ and check out the Audiobook version of this chapter voiced by (Kristen Maglonzo)! Featuring music by Mutemath, Lit, OK Go, Neon Trees, and Jimmy Eat World.

Elias

Dear God,

I know I've been kind of an asshole lately and I--

--Shit. Wait. I take that back. Not the apology part, but the asshole part.

My mom always says prayers don't count if I'm cussing, so I'm gonna start over real quick.

Sorry.

Here goes.

Dear God,

I know I haven't exactly been the best guy in the world lately, and that you probably burnt my balls for a reason.

I mean, hey, the Egyptians got hella plagues and shit, so this isn't even really that bad. Fuck, sorry. I'm still working on the whole cursing thing.

Anyway, I screwed up. Again. But you probably already know that. You know me better than I know me, so I'm sure the whole lying to Jersey thing isn't much of a surprise at this point.

The thing is, I promised I wouldn't.

I promised that I wouldn't do anything to hurt her this time around.

But I did.

I saw it in her eyes.

I heard it in her silence.

I fucked up.

And, I don't know if I can fix things this time.

I don't know how to fix things this time.

Aside from talking to you.

I need your help, Big Guy.

I need a miracle.

'Cause I don't wanna lose this girl.

Not again.

Not after everything I did to get here.

She's the reason I'm here.

She's the reason I'm trying to turn my bullshit excuse for a life around.

But she can't see that.

She sees the asshole I used to be, and given the way I talked to her earlier, I can't exactly blame her for that.

I just want her to know that I'm sorry.

I just need the chance to say it.

And if you don't wanna give me one, I get it.

I feel like I've been knocked out for way longer than normal, so if I'm dead right now or stuck in a coma or something then just forget the whole second chances thing.

But if I do wake up.

I'm gonna go running straight to her door to apologize.

I never thought I'd say this but...maybe I should be more like Tanner.

I mean, if me and Jersey were together-together, I'd try apologizing to her the way he does to Caleigh.