My Purpose || jariana

Chapter 29

*a few days later*

Justin's Pov

Do you know what torture feels like? That's what being without Ariana feels like.

Not feeling her touch, not seeing her beautiful face, not hearing her voice. I never thought I could love someone like this.

Sometimes you love someone so much it hurts. You can love someone so much enough for them to take over your life. I once told Ariana that life without her would be hell. Well this is my hell, right now without her.

I've done nothing these past few days, but cry and drink alcohol. It's the only thing that's soothing me right now. The only thing is numbing the pain that I had caused myself to have.

I just sat there on the floor as tears rolled down my face with my back up against the wall, and a bottle of alcohol in my hand while 'My everything' by my baby was playing.

Just hearing her voice and the lyrics made me cry even more. I miss her so much. My heart longs for her touch, for her arms to wrap around me and hug me so tight like she would always do. My heart aches just to at least see her gorgeous face again. To see those heavenly eyes look up at me and make me feel like I mean something to someone. Those eyes that always made me feel like somebody. Those eyes and that smile that made me feel like I mattered, that I was important, and that I was loved.

Then suddenly after all of those thoughts and memories of her completely overwhelmed me, and I got this sensation in my mouth that I hadn't gotten in such a long time.

I needed to smoke.

Ariana was the only one who ever got me to fully quit. She helped me so much. She helped me to get rid of the addiction that I struggled with for so long with her soft, gentle being. She made everything better. She was so perfect; there was nothing that she couldn't do.

When I was with her, I felt free of everything, I felt safe. But now that's she's gone, I need something to numb my pain.

I got up from the floor and became dizzy. I think I've been drinking too much.

I went upstairs to put on a shirt, because I was only in my gray sweatpants.

I opened the door to my room, and immediately a hundred memories of me and Ariana in this room flew through my head. I tried to push them back as I stepped in the room and walked to my dresser.

I then open the draw where Ariana used to keep her stuff. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I feel my eyes start to get watery again once I pick up one of her shirts. I hold it up to my chest, and stare blankly at the wall as tears roll down my cheeks.

It takes everything in me to put the tiny shirt that still smelled of her perfume back into the drawer and slam it shut.

I pick out a white sleeveless shirt and a gray jacket that my matched my sweats.

I walk out of my room and walk back down the stairs.

I hear the doorbell ring as I arrive downstairs. I was expecting anyone and I clearly didn't want anyone to see me like this. Nevertheless, I go over to open the door.

I open it to see Za.

"Hey man, how are you doing?" He asks me, concerned.

"Fine." I lie. I step aside for him to enter my house.

"Are you sure?" He asks me, looking at my noticeably red, puffy eyes.