We All Have Our Secrets

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I walked beside my Dad's gurney and held his hand as we passed through the halls towards the elevator up to the OR floor.

"This is as far as you can go Dr Quinn" Maggie said softly

"Dr Quinn" my Dad mutters to himself as he shakes his head in disbelief "You know I'm so proud of you princess"

"Dad" I scolded

"No, it's true! I never get to see you anymore which means I never get a chance to tell you how proud I am of you, and if your mother was still here she'd be bursting with love just looking at you." he smiled sweetly

"Well you better come out of that OR you hear me? Because even if I'm not around I still need you Pop and you know some day I'm gonna need you to walk me down that aisle like we used to practice when I was a kid" I laughed at the memory "and I don't want Blake, Chris, James or anyone else, you're the only one who counts" I smiled as I gave his hand a supportive squeeze

"Come here" he said as tears brimmed his eyes and he stretched out his arms to pull me into a hug.

"I'll see you in a little while ok?" I whispered pulling away from the hug

He simply nodded, then Maggie and Rose proceeded to wheel him through the doors. I stood at the glass for a minute watching him being wheeled away and I let out a sigh of nervousness. I soon felt familiar strong arms wrap around my waist as I felt Alex's breath on my neck.

"He's going to be fine Jamie. You know how good Dr Pierce is, he couldn't be in more capable hands" Alex muttered supportively into my ear

"I know" I let out a breath of air I didn't realize I was holding in. I then turned in towards Alex's body and I wrapped my arms around him, wresting my head on his chest. Alex always made things better, his presence made me feel protected and loved.

"C'mon, we'll go look from the gallery" he smiled as he pulled away and took my hand

***

"10 blade" Pierce says confidently as the scrub nurse hands her the scalpel

Dr Pierce begins to repair my father's heart. I sat there hand in hand with Alex, feeling a supportive squeeze from him every now and again. Everything was going smoothly and Dr Pierce was almost ready to finish up when in the flash of a moment everything flipped.

"Dr Pierce his BP is plummeting" Dr Smith said with worry as Maggie looked up to check the haywire beeping of the monitor

"His heart rate is sky rocketing, he's going into V-Fib, we need to shock him" Pierce ordered "Get a crash cart over here now!"

"Alex" I cried as I dug my head into his shoulder trying to block out the sight

Alex held my head in his hand as he gently stroked my hair trying to calm me down

"Charge to 200" Maggie ordered once more "Clear"

"Charge to 250. Clear"

I felt Alex's breath drop and I knew it was over. He was gone. Tears began to well in my eyes and soon spilled down my cheeks

"Hey you can look now, it's over." Alex sounded relieved

My head shot up to see what was going on.

"Oh my god" I cried as I watched Maggie breath a sigh of relief as she began closing my father up

I jumped from my chair and ran to the glass. Unable to believe my eyes. I was sure that was it, he was gone and there was nothing more Maggie could have done. Alex stood up and I turned and ran straight into his arms.

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